"How many kids do you have?"
I DREAD this question! I never know how to answer it.
Jason and I were in the mall and one of the sales people and I were talking. She was shocked that I was married, she thought I was 16 (which most people do when they first meet me). Then I told her you should see the looks that I get when I'm pregnant. She looked down at my belly and I quickly said, "Oh, I'm not pregnant." She asked, "Do you have any kids?" I answered, "We have a two year old daughter and we have custody of my sister who is 15." She was just shocked.
Anyway the whole time I was telling her this I wanted to scream, "...and, we also have twin girls, yes conjoined twin baby girls that were alive for 32 weeks inside of my womb, twin girls that lived for less than an hour outside my womb, twin baby girls that I felt move inside of me for 17 weeks, twin girls that amazed me when they both came out breathing, conjoined twin girls and I'm so proud to be their Mom, twin baby girls that I would love to get to go back to that day and hold them just a little bit longer, twin baby girls that are now safe in the arms of God!"
You see we don't have two kids we have four,... so why is it so hard for me to tell people that when they ask?
I DREAD this question! I never know how to answer it.
Jason and I were in the mall and one of the sales people and I were talking. She was shocked that I was married, she thought I was 16 (which most people do when they first meet me). Then I told her you should see the looks that I get when I'm pregnant. She looked down at my belly and I quickly said, "Oh, I'm not pregnant." She asked, "Do you have any kids?" I answered, "We have a two year old daughter and we have custody of my sister who is 15." She was just shocked.
Anyway the whole time I was telling her this I wanted to scream, "...and, we also have twin girls, yes conjoined twin baby girls that were alive for 32 weeks inside of my womb, twin girls that lived for less than an hour outside my womb, twin baby girls that I felt move inside of me for 17 weeks, twin girls that amazed me when they both came out breathing, conjoined twin girls and I'm so proud to be their Mom, twin baby girls that I would love to get to go back to that day and hold them just a little bit longer, twin baby girls that are now safe in the arms of God!"
You see we don't have two kids we have four,... so why is it so hard for me to tell people that when they ask?
Destinee age 15 - We love you Dessy Poo!
Kenya 25 months old - Kenya boo's we love you!
Melody Joy - look at those cute lips and that perfect nose. I love you my little M&M!
Madison Hope - you looked just like you sister :) the same cute lips and perfect nose. Look at those adorable fingers so perfect and complete. I love you my sweet baby girl!
So there you have it my name is Vanessa and I'm the proud Mom to four beautiful girls!
Yes you are Vanessa. To 4 GORGEOUS girls!!!!!
ReplyDelete9 months later and i still struggle with that question...i have THREE children, not ONE...
ReplyDeletewish i could tell you it gets easier. wish i could tell you why its hard. i dont know...
hugs. and btw, your girls are GORGEOUS!
Unequivocally you have 4 kids. If your twin girls our in the arms of Heavenly Father that is enough proof for me.
ReplyDeleteI also have 4 children, Bekka 7, Ryan 4, Mitchel 2 and Blake 6 months. Mostly fun and happy boys.
I have read some of your posts and you are right you are mom to 4. And that is ok to tell people. Especially if you are proud of what you accomplished by giving birth to those two beautiful babies who inhaled at birth. And you have every right to want to scream out your thoughts. It is still so new and raw, but you are amazingly strong. I think this post is one that affected me the most. Obviously, because it moved to post a comment. Stay strong in your faith.
ReplyDeleteVK, my cousin died at the age of 16, that was 13 years ago. It is still difficult for my aunt and uncle, but whenever they are asked how many kids they have, they proudly say "we have 3 children, but one passed away 13 years ago." You will forever be the mother of 4 beautiful girls (well, at least until you can say 5, or 6....), and it is okay to tell people. Remember, M & M touched many lives, why not let them continue to do so? You know we love you!
ReplyDelete~ your Austin family
I used to feel that way too when I had Josh, Destinee, Cheyenne, you... I knew how to answer, sometimes I just didn't want to have to explain it all! My question to you is what stops you from saying 4? If you want to say 4, you should say 4 because you ARE the mom of 4 beautiful girls! Love you - Aunt J
ReplyDeleteMy friend went through this last month. In October his 4 year old daughter died of cancer. He answered in a way that felt comfortable. He said he had 3 daughters. Two girls in jr high school and a 4 year old that went to join Jesus in October. I think if someone is uncomfortable with that, they'll let you know in someway they don't want to talk any further about it...but you should never be uncomfortable to talk about your two beautiful baby girls.
ReplyDelete"I have a uniguely wonderful family - one teen, one toddler and two blessings safely in the arms of Jesus."
ReplyDeleteWhen I hear an (older) person talk of their children - if there is a child who has passed on, they always add that child. Why would it be any different? Not to mention that it gives you the opportunity for you to share your witness and testimony.
It touched us. I imagine it will touch others.
In Christ - Teri
I agree with everyone as well that you are a mom of four and it is okay to say it....our first son was born prematurely and is with Jesus and hubby and I are pregnant now and I get asked, is this your first baby to which I was advised to say by a loving friend, no our first baby is with Jesus in Heaven and this will be our first living child....you often receive the "I'm sorry's" and what not but it depends on how deep you want to go into it....the Lord has blessed you to be the mother of four and what a wonderful honor that is.In the nursery, we plan to put up our first son's handprints and footprints just to remind us that this is the second one....with much love...Angela in Hershey
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to talk about. I understand why it is hard to say. I think you should just do whatever you are comfortable with. hugs!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you have to think through that... you are the mama to 4 amazing girls! And that will never change!
ReplyDeleteBritt
Scream it out, girlfriend! You ARE the mom of 4! WOW! :) Shout it as many times as you want...we'll let ya. :) And we love you...as you work through this time, thanks for sharing your thoughts. We are praying for you guys and your beautiful family!
ReplyDeleteLove you!
How about, "We are raising 2 girls & 2 girls are with their Savior?"
ReplyDeleteI still have a hard time with that question. It has taken me a long time to realize that I am going to include my son in heaven. No matter how uncomfortable it will be for other people because he is part of our eternal family. Love the pictures. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
ReplyDeleteVanessa, I've been reading over your past posts and came across this one. I struggled with the same question of "how many kids do you have" after our 1st child, Grant, died 10 1/2 yrs ago (WOW it doesn't seem like it's been that long!). It didn't become an issue until his sister was born 10 months later. I promised after he died that I would never deny his existance. He lived. We now have two beautful girls, so now when people ask, my answer is always, "We've had 3 children. Our two girls live with us and our son lives in Heaven with Jesus." I leave it at that unless they ask questions. Then I'm more than happy to share his story and our testimonies (his included) :o)
ReplyDelete