My sweet dream.

I had the most amazing dream last night and I wanted to share it on here because I never want to forget it. It seemed so real.

I was back at the hospital and I had just had Melody and Madison we were not sure how long they would live so we were just spending as much time with them as we could. The whole room was decorated for Christmas because we didn't know how long they were going to live and in my dream we wanted to spend Christmas with them.

I remember putting them on my chest and I could feel their heart beating I remember how warm they felt and how alive they were.

I left the hospital at one point in my dream and went somewhere random then I came back because I was afraid I was overdoing it after my csection when I walked in the room I just knew they were going to be dead but they weren't they were alive. So I picked them up and they started to cry! I did skin to skin and put pacifier's in their mouths. That didn't help so I tried nursing which didn't work so I asked for a pump.

This was by far the most amazing dream I have ever had. It seemed so real that looking back on it I can't believe it was a dream.

If anything this dream reminds me how faithful God is. That dream is most likely how I would have wanted things to go the day Melody and Madison were born but that was not reality God had a bigger plan that may not have been exactly what I thought I wanted but I assure you I wouldn't change the way things went if I could. Even though that sounds crazy I know that God is perfect and I am not I am a selfish sinner saved by grace. I would mess everything up if I was in control.

I am so thankful that God is on the throne and I am not.

I am so thankful that Melody and Madison were born alive.

I am so thankful that I got to watch their heart beating.

I am so thankful that my babies died peacefully in my arms.

I am so thankful that we had our amazing photographer there taking over 900 pictures of our girls.

I am so thankful that we were surrounded by our family and friends.

I am so thankful that we got to watch other people loving on our girls.

I am thankful for the peace that God provided all day and night until everyone had left and I finally lost it.

I am thankful for the most peaceful nights sleep that night they died. I had not slept that well in a very long time.

I am thankful for my husband! Words could never express how much he means to me and how much he helped me during everything we went through.

I am thankful that God allowed Jason and I to be Melody and Madison's parents here on Earth.

Most of all I am thankful that we will get to one day see them again but more importantly we will get to see God and forever worship our great God and king!

If you do not have the hope of having your sins forgiven and spending all of eternity with our great God and savior please click here to learn more about how you can be born again.

If you have been through something and you can not for the life of you figure out how God can be good and still allow suffering I highly recommend Suffering and the Sovereignty of God by John Piper and Justin Taylor. You can download it for free here or buy the book here.

A good name is better than precious ointment,
and the day of death than the day of birth.

It is better to go to the house of mourning
than to go to the house of feasting,
for this is the end of all mankind,
and the living will lay it to heart.
Sorrow is better than laughter,
for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.
The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,
but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.

Ecclesiastes 7:1-4

In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other

Ecclesiastes7:14a