There is a little box in the top of our closet that the hospital gave us after the twins died. I see it all the time but tonight I decided to open it and take some time to remember my girls. As I opened the box I was flooded with so many emotions. It was like I was transported right back to November 11th 2008 the day I met and lost my babies.
As I dug through all of my girls belongings I had forgotten so many things that were in there. I pulled out their booger sucker, their hospital bracelets, the sweetest most encouraging cards ever, I pulled out the little post card that was on the door of our hospital so that everyone who came in would know we had lost a child, it wasn't until I got to their shirts that were still buttoned together that I lost it. I realized I often go through life not thinking about the fact that we really had conjoined twins, they really died and I really have 2 babies in heaven. Kenya is really a big sister to three little siblings not just one, Judah really is a little brother to three big sisters not just one, I really buried two of my kids and walked away leaving their tiny little bodies in the ground still stuck together, I really have four children not two, I am a Mom to 2 perfectly healthy children and 2 children made whole in Heaven.
God really allowed us to walk through that trial with His help and for His glory alone. Jason really experienced all of those things right alongside of me and made sure that I was okay before ever thinking of himself. We really, really, really were and still are the parents to conjoined twin girls made whole in heaven and for all of that I am thankful! A little box in the top of my closet reminds me (as my friend Kristy said) that God is sovereign over suffering and He is still good!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Judah 2 months old (a little late)
I was planning on posting a blog every month on the 16th so we could see how much Judah was growing. Well as you can see I am a little late this month.
Here is Judah at 2 (and a half) months old.
Here is Judah at 2 (and a half) months old.
Judah now that you are 2 months old you are awake a lot more during the day. You love smiling and cooing. You can now hold your head up pretty good. You love being held and you don't mind being on the floor. For the last 2 weeks from about 7 to 9 pm you scream your head off (not the whole time). There is really not much we can do for you. I just try to hold and comfort you. Even though I am so sad you are upset I treasure this time learning how to meet your needs. You are such a sweet baby and I love you more than words could ever express. You now sleep in the pac n play beside our bed, swaddled of course. I normally feed you for the last time at 10pm then you wake up at 3 and 6 am to eat (you sometimes skip your 3am feeding). After that you sleep until 9:30am. I feel so much more rested now. You are such a blessing in our lives. I walked be a mirror yesterday and saw my reflection while I was holding you and I just had to stop and praise God. I just started remembering how worried I was when I was pregnant with you. I wasn't sure if my uterus was going to rupture I wasn't sure if you were really okay but God was just so faithful! As I looked at our reflection in the mirror I was just rejoicing that God allowed you to be born alive and rejoicing that He protected me during my pregnancy. It was surreal to be holding my 2 month old son! I am so thankful for God's sovereignty in our lives!
As a side note please be praying for my blogger friend Jessica her son Alex fell yesterday and has a broken vertebre.
Vanessa
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
We're still here
Well, I lost my camera and it's a little bit challenging writing a blog on Jason's phone but here I am :) We are doing good! The last few weeks have been crazy busy I started watching kids again, my Dad had a heart attack and some very good friends moved in with us for a while.
I'm watching kids a few days a week. So I have Kenya who is 3, Sadie is almost 2, Colt is 4 months and Judah just turned 2 months old. It sounds crazy but I get a lot more done with all the kids here. I will try to start my Tiny Treasures Tuesday posts again to keep you all in the loop.
My Dad is doing good and is home. He is sore but glad to be alive. Thank you all for praying for him!
We are really loving our friends living with us. We all share the house work and cooking and it just works.
I'm hoping to do Judah's 2 month old post tomorrow even though it's a week late :)
Here are a few pictures of the kids until I do a real post tomorrow.
This is the first time I was able to get Judah's smile on camera. (The camera on Jason's phone that is)
Judah just chillin and Kenya being silly.
Kenya loving on her baby brother.
That is all until tomorrow.
vanessa d. via jason's Android
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Vanessa's Dad had a heart attack/ UPDATE/ Last Update
I just wanted to say thank you guys so much for praying my Dad went home from the hospital yesterday. I'm so surprised at how fast he recovered. I am just praising God for his recovery.
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My Dad is doing a lot better! They removed the balloon from his heart so it is now pumping on it's own. He is now breathing on his own and they will remove the ventilator in the morning if he is still doing good. He has a long way to go but he is making progress. Thank you so much for praying!
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Hey this is Vanessa and I'm writing this from Jason's phone so please forgive any typos. I just wanted to ask for prayer for my Dad he had a massive heart attack today. His heart stopped for about 20 minutes. They were able to start it again and do surgery. They put a stent and a balloon in his heart. He is also on a vent and hooked up to tons of iv's. He had a second heart attack after the surgery and his heart stopped again. They got it started and got him moved to the icu. We were able to see him but he is sedate so he was not awake or responding to us. There are lots of details I'm leaving out but will write more once I can. Please please be praying!
Vanessa d. via Android
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Judah 2/25/10
Just in case you were wondering what Judah was doing this exact moment of his life I decided to share it with you.
Really I just wanted to show off his CUTE dino outfit and my cute son, can you blame me!?!
Really I just wanted to show off his CUTE dino outfit and my cute son, can you blame me!?!
Friday, February 19, 2010
Margaret's hospital pictures/ Happy Birthday
Today is our dear friend Margaret Lakes Birthday and I wanted to take the time to tell her how much she means to us and tell y'all the story of how we met.
Margaret was the second and last wedding photographer we interviewed before we got married about 5 years ago. As soon as we left we knew she was the one we wanted to take our wedding photos. She was very friendly and her work was amazing. She is a documentary style photographer, meaning she wouldn't just get a few posed shots but would capture the whole day of our wedding and the pictures would be able to tell the story of that day for years to come.
The day of our wedding she got there early to get pictures of me getting ready. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do and she said you can do whatever you want, just be yourself. So after that I just got ready and did what I would normally do. I didn't even notice she was there. In fact after our wedding I told Jason I don't think Margaret got pictures of this moment or that one because I didn't see her, but sure enough when we saw the pictures she got everything and much more than I would have hoped for. Our pictures are amazing and every time I look at them I remember exactly what I was feeling at that moment in time.
Then when Kenya was about 8 months old we have family pictures done to celebrate Jason's brother, Uncle Toe Toe, graduating from college. Again she was amazing and we loved the pictures.
Fast forward to 2008 when we found out about Melody and Madison being conjoined we started doing a ton of research. During that time we found out about an organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep it was a group of professional photographers who take pictures for families who have babies that are not expected to live all free of charge. We knew right away this was something we wanted to do. We wanted our moments with Melody and Madison documented and I also didn't want Jason or I to have to worry about taking pictures. I wanted us to be able to love on our girls without thinking about anything else.
The more I thought about it though the more I realized I didn't really want a stranger sharing these moments with us I wanted someone I knew and trusted. So I emailed Margaret and told her all about the twins then I told her all about Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. I explained to her that I couldn't imagine anyone else taking these pictures and asked her if she would be willing to do it. Without hesitation she said yes.
When we found out we would be delivering Melody and Madison I was really nervous about having the pictures taken, I'm not sure why. I called Margaret and told her we would be delivering that day sometime around 6pm I told her she didn't have to come right away if she didn't want to but with in a hour she was there. I was so thankful she came right up there I may have chickened out and not had them taken if she didn't. I was so glad she was there she was able to capture the moments we had with our friends and family before the girls were born. She was able to take pictures of us getting their clothes ready and our family and friends praying for us after we went into the OR. She took pictures that mean the world to me of moments I would have never gotten to see while I was in surgery. She was there while our friends and family got to meet the girls. Margaret was such a blessing to have there. She became not only a friend but a part of our family that day.
She took family/pregnancy pictures of us a few weeks before Judah was born. Again she out did herself.
After we had Judah, Margaret and her family came up to meet him. It was so neat to get to introduce her to our son. She was so sweet and took pictures of him at the hospital. I will share those at the end of this blog post.
So that is how we met and got to know our amazing friend/ photographer Margaret Lake.
Margaret, We love you dearly and we are so thankful God allowed us to be a part of each others lives. You have been there for us in our happiest and saddest moments and we are so blessed by the gift you have been to our family. I hope you have a great birthday and I hope you know how much you are loved!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Love,
Jason, Vanessa, Kenya and Judah
And now for your viewing pleasure the pictures Margaret took at the hospital.
Jason's Dad (Papa T) holding Judah.
Margaret was the second and last wedding photographer we interviewed before we got married about 5 years ago. As soon as we left we knew she was the one we wanted to take our wedding photos. She was very friendly and her work was amazing. She is a documentary style photographer, meaning she wouldn't just get a few posed shots but would capture the whole day of our wedding and the pictures would be able to tell the story of that day for years to come.
The day of our wedding she got there early to get pictures of me getting ready. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do and she said you can do whatever you want, just be yourself. So after that I just got ready and did what I would normally do. I didn't even notice she was there. In fact after our wedding I told Jason I don't think Margaret got pictures of this moment or that one because I didn't see her, but sure enough when we saw the pictures she got everything and much more than I would have hoped for. Our pictures are amazing and every time I look at them I remember exactly what I was feeling at that moment in time.
Then when Kenya was about 8 months old we have family pictures done to celebrate Jason's brother, Uncle Toe Toe, graduating from college. Again she was amazing and we loved the pictures.
Fast forward to 2008 when we found out about Melody and Madison being conjoined we started doing a ton of research. During that time we found out about an organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep it was a group of professional photographers who take pictures for families who have babies that are not expected to live all free of charge. We knew right away this was something we wanted to do. We wanted our moments with Melody and Madison documented and I also didn't want Jason or I to have to worry about taking pictures. I wanted us to be able to love on our girls without thinking about anything else.
The more I thought about it though the more I realized I didn't really want a stranger sharing these moments with us I wanted someone I knew and trusted. So I emailed Margaret and told her all about the twins then I told her all about Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. I explained to her that I couldn't imagine anyone else taking these pictures and asked her if she would be willing to do it. Without hesitation she said yes.
When we found out we would be delivering Melody and Madison I was really nervous about having the pictures taken, I'm not sure why. I called Margaret and told her we would be delivering that day sometime around 6pm I told her she didn't have to come right away if she didn't want to but with in a hour she was there. I was so thankful she came right up there I may have chickened out and not had them taken if she didn't. I was so glad she was there she was able to capture the moments we had with our friends and family before the girls were born. She was able to take pictures of us getting their clothes ready and our family and friends praying for us after we went into the OR. She took pictures that mean the world to me of moments I would have never gotten to see while I was in surgery. She was there while our friends and family got to meet the girls. Margaret was such a blessing to have there. She became not only a friend but a part of our family that day.
She took family/pregnancy pictures of us a few weeks before Judah was born. Again she out did herself.
After we had Judah, Margaret and her family came up to meet him. It was so neat to get to introduce her to our son. She was so sweet and took pictures of him at the hospital. I will share those at the end of this blog post.
So that is how we met and got to know our amazing friend/ photographer Margaret Lake.
Margaret, We love you dearly and we are so thankful God allowed us to be a part of each others lives. You have been there for us in our happiest and saddest moments and we are so blessed by the gift you have been to our family. I hope you have a great birthday and I hope you know how much you are loved!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Love,
Jason, Vanessa, Kenya and Judah
And now for your viewing pleasure the pictures Margaret took at the hospital.
Jason's Dad (Papa T) holding Judah.
Kenya being silly
Uncle Toe Toe
And one of the many faces of baby Judah
blogger wont let me up load anymore pictures so I put the rest in a picasa album go check them out HERE
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Judah is one month old
Today Judah is one month old. I am planning on taking a picture of him every month with that bear so we can all see how much he is growing. After we found out we were going to have a baby we were shopping at Carters and Kenya found that bear and said "we have to get this for my baby brother" we didn't know what we were having but it was so cute we had to get the bear. Turns out she was right and she sure does love her baby brother.
Judah now that you are one month old you are staying awake for about 4 hours a day now.
You are normally a very happy baby although the past 3 days you have gotten a little fussy and you now spit up.
You have cooed twice once at Daddy and once at Kenya but your first smile was for Mommy.
You normally eat your last feeding of the night at 11:50ish then only wake up one to two times during the night to eat. You are such a good baby you go right back to sleep once you are done eating and that makes me very happy.
You had your first bottle (with Mommy's milk in it) last week and you did great.
You only take a pacifier at night which may be why you sleep so well.
Your sister is in love with you and holds you most of the day. She has gotten a lot better about sharing you with friends and family.
You HATE sleeping flat so you sleep in your car seat at night and I (Mommy) normally hold you during the day for your naps. You have to be swaddled while you are sleeping otherwise you will wake up after only a few minutes.
I can't believe you are already a month old. I love having a son you are such a blessing to our family. I pray we will always enjoy you and your sister and not take one moment for granted.
We love you Judah happy one month old birthday!
And just for fun here is what Kenya looked like when she was one month old.
and here is a better shot of Judah from today
I didn't really think they looked alike until now. I'm praising God for the blessings He has given us!
You are normally a very happy baby although the past 3 days you have gotten a little fussy and you now spit up.
You have cooed twice once at Daddy and once at Kenya but your first smile was for Mommy.
You normally eat your last feeding of the night at 11:50ish then only wake up one to two times during the night to eat. You are such a good baby you go right back to sleep once you are done eating and that makes me very happy.
You had your first bottle (with Mommy's milk in it) last week and you did great.
You only take a pacifier at night which may be why you sleep so well.
Your sister is in love with you and holds you most of the day. She has gotten a lot better about sharing you with friends and family.
You HATE sleeping flat so you sleep in your car seat at night and I (Mommy) normally hold you during the day for your naps. You have to be swaddled while you are sleeping otherwise you will wake up after only a few minutes.
I can't believe you are already a month old. I love having a son you are such a blessing to our family. I pray we will always enjoy you and your sister and not take one moment for granted.
We love you Judah happy one month old birthday!
And just for fun here is what Kenya looked like when she was one month old.
and here is a better shot of Judah from today
I didn't really think they looked alike until now. I'm praising God for the blessings He has given us!You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
you have loosed my sackcloth
and clothed me with gladness,
that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!
Psalm 30:11-12
you have loosed my sackcloth
and clothed me with gladness,
that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!
Psalm 30:11-12
Sunday, February 14, 2010
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