I'm pretty sure I am the world's worst blogger. I start all these really fun things like Movie Monday do them for a few weeks and then not again for several weeks. I blog everyday for a week and then not again for a month. I am the world's worst blogger but that's not going to change and here is why...
I remember a few months after the twins died I was asking a group of ladies from our church to pray for me because I was spending too much time online and I had tried to have self control but was so lacking. That was THREE AND A HALF YEARS AGO and I'm still struggling with it. Now let me stop here and say that blogging or FB in and of themselves are not sin but for me it became sin because it became an idol in my life. I desired to be online more than anything else. Before I went to the doctor I would have to get on FB just really quick even if I was running late, my house could be a mess and instead of caring for my home I would just have to post a blog really quick (which turned into an hour long ordeal), and the worst part of all is the time I have missed out on my kid's lives.
In 2008 when we found out we were having conjoined twins I found a lot of support online from groups of families that had conjoined twins and after we lost the babies this whole world of Mommies who had lost babies opened up to me. These women love Jesus and walked the same hard road that we had just walked and I wanted nothing more than to find comfort in their stories. I started spending more time blogging, reading blogs, and checking out friends status' on FB than I ever imagined I would.
I remember a few months after the twins died I was asking a group of ladies from our church to pray for me because I was spending too much time online and I had tried to have self control but was so lacking. That was THREE AND A HALF YEARS AGO and I'm still struggling with it. Now let me stop here and say that blogging or FB in and of themselves are not sin but for me it became sin because it became an idol in my life. I desired to be online more than anything else. Before I went to the doctor I would have to get on FB just really quick even if I was running late, my house could be a mess and instead of caring for my home I would just have to post a blog really quick (which turned into an hour long ordeal), and the worst part of all is the time I have missed out on my kid's lives.
The past three and a half years have flown by and I can honestly say I don't remember most of it because I was too consumed in other peoples lives (reading their blogs or status on FB).
I have really, really tried to be better about this over the years but it has been a constant struggle and I know that there is nothing more important than my relationship with God and with my family. I have prayed a lot and begged God to help me stay off the computer (I know it sounds crazy, JUST GET OFF THE COMPUTER... right???) and I think I have finally given God the control over this area of my life. It is still hard sometimes and I still spend too much time of FB every once in a while but for the most part I have done A LOT better than I have for the past few years.
I want to play with my children and know their personalities. I don't want my kids to remember their Mom always being on the computer or always having her phone in her hand. When they grow up I want them to remember that I played with them, spent time with them, and had a blast getting to know them.
I'm not really sure how this will play out but I'm pretty sure I will be deleting my FB soon (after I make Jason an admin on the HelpAnton page). And I'm thinking I will only update the blog once a month??? I'm not trying to go overboard and make up a bunch of rules for myself but I am trying to have self-control.
For people who want to know when I post but don't want to check the blog everyday there are few things you can do. Subscribe to the blog on Google Reader or at the top right part of the blog you can subscribe to the blog or you can enter your email address where it says follow by email so that you can get emailed the updates.
You have all been such a HUGE support system over the last four years so please know that I am very thankful for all of the prayers and all of the encouragement. I will update when I can but I can't wait to step away from my blog and FB and really enjoy my children and really enjoy my husband. My kids are only going to be this little for such a short amount of time and I REFUSE to miss out on anymore of their lives because I was too busy being involved in everyone else's lives online.
If you have time please read the part at the top of our blog that says The Gospel there is nothing more important than having a right relationship with God.
