Thursday, December 9, 2010

My sweet dream.

I had the most amazing dream last night and I wanted to share it on here because I never want to forget it. It seemed so real.

I was back at the hospital and I had just had Melody and Madison we were not sure how long they would live so we were just spending as much time with them as we could. The whole room was decorated for Christmas because we didn't know how long they were going to live and in my dream we wanted to spend Christmas with them.
I remember putting them on my chest and I could feel their heart beating I remember how warm they felt and how alive they were.

I left the hospital at one point in my dream and went somewhere random then I came back because I was afraid I was overdoing it after my csection when I walked in the room I just knew they were going to be dead but they weren't they were alive. So I picked them up and they started to cry! I did skin to skin and put pacifier's in their mouths. That didn't help so I tried nursing which didn't work so I asked for a pump.

This was by far the most amazing dream I have ever had. It seemed so real that looking back on it I can't believe it was a dream.

If anything this dream reminds me how faithful God is. That dream is most likely how I would have wanted things to go the day Melody and Madison were born but that was not reality God had a bigger plan that may not have been exactly what I thought I wanted but I assure you I wouldn't change the way things went if I could. Even though that sounds crazy I know that God is perfect and I am not I am a selfish sinner saved by grace. I would mess everything up if I was in control.

I am so thankful that God is on the throne and I am not.
I am so thankful that Melody and Madison were born alive.
I am so thankful that I got to watch their heart beating.
I am so thankful that my babies died peacefully in my arms.
I am so thankful that we had our amazing photographer there taking over 900 pictures of our girls.
I am so thankful that we were surrounded by our family and friends.
I am so thankful that we got to watch other people loving on our girls.
I am thankful for the peace that God provided all day and night until everyone had left and I finally lost it.
I am thankful for the most peaceful nights sleep that night they died. I had not slept that well in a very long time.
I am thankful for my husband! Words could never express how much he means to me and how much he helped me during everything we went through.
I am thankful that God allowed Jason and I to be Melody and Madison's parents here on Earth.

Most of all I am thankful that we will get to one day see them again but more importantly we will get to see God and forever worship our great God and king!

If you do not have the hope of having your sins forgiven and spending all of eternity with our great God and savior please click here to learn more about how you can be born again.

If you have been through something and you can not for the life of you figure out how God can be good and still allow suffering I highly recommend Suffering and the Sovereignty of God by John Piper and Justin Taylor. You can download it for free here or buy the book here.

A good name is better than precious ointment,
and the day of death than the day of birth.
It is better to go to the house of mourning
than to go to the house of feasting,
for this is the end of all mankind,
and the living will lay it to heart.
Sorrow is better than laughter,
for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.
The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,
but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.
Ecclesiastes 7:1-4

In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Black Friday shopping and my early Christmas gift!!!

I love taking pictures and I have for as long as I can remember. In my teenage years I was always buying the disposable cameras from Wal*Mart. Then the year Jason and I got engaged he bought me my first digital camera. I was so excited! All of those camera's worked great for what I wanted and needed at the time but since I was in high school I have wanted a Canon Rebel. I never really thought I would get one but much to my surprise my husband and I were talking the day before Thanksgiving and we decided Black Friday would be a great time to get the camera I have always wanted.

We were at Jason's parents house for Thanksgiving so I was rallying the troops to see who wanted to go Black Friday shopping with me. Jason's Mom was really the only one excited to go so we set our sights on waking up at 4am to head to Wal * Mart and retrieve my dream camera.

The day after Thanksgiving Jason's brother decided to go with us and just before we left the house Judah woke up which woke Jason up and he also decided he wanted to come along. So Jason's Mom, Brother (Uncle Toe Toe), baby Judah and myself all loaded up in the jeep at 4:15 in the morning in 29 degree weather in hopes to snag a Canon!

We got to Wal*Mart and checked to see how many camera's that had at that store and much to my surprise they had 4 ahhhhh my hopes could soon be crushed seeing as how we were the 150th person in line...
So we waited and waited and waited and waited and waited..... Then I over heard a girl behind me tell one of her friends she thought you could order some of the camera's online and so the search was on. My phone wasn't working very well so I got on Jason's brothers iPhone (which I had no clue how to use) and started the process to order my camera. We stayed in line just in case it was out of stock online. By this point we had been standing in line for over an hour.

I kept at it though and after 45 minutes on the iPhone I ordered my CAMERA or should I say our camera because it really is the family camera :)

We happily hopped out of line (I may have been the only happy one at this point ha) and headed to the outlet mall to do some more Black Friday shopping.

Below are a few of my favorite pictures I took the first day I got my camera. I think I took over 500 pictures just in one day. Hopefully my family doesn't get sick of me taking pictures cause I don't see myself stopping anytime soon.

This is the very first picture I took with my new camera.
I love his eyes!

I have a new found respect for all my friends who are photographers
I took hundreds of pictures and only ended up with a few I really liked.

Judah is such a big boy at 10 months old
he can stand up by himself for quite a while.

Out of all the pictures I took this one is my very favorite of Judah!

And this one is my very favorite picture of Kenya.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

My Girls Funeral/Burial: 2 Years Ago

2 years ago I attended the funeral and saw my two girls get buried, was the original announcement I made:


We invite you to
attend the funeral
in loving memory of

Melody Joy & Madison Hope Delgado
Monday, November 17, 2008
Memorial service @ Heritage Church of Christ in Keller @ 10AM
Graveside Service immediately following @ Bourland Cemetery
Fellowship and food immediately following @ Church of Christ in Keller


Last year I posted a walk through of that event through pictures and captions. You can find that below:


I just posted on my Facebook my favorite pictures with memories from what happened this day last year, I've been meaning to do this for a year now, but it was just to hard to look at some of these pics before:

Photography graciously done by Margaret Lake:
Location: Sovereign Joy Community Church in Keller, TX.


2 years later and it is still hard to look at some of these...

I also forgot that we never posted this video that our friend Trish took and pieced together parts of the funeral and burial.

Towards the middle of the video you will find the part where we were singing "It Is Well With My Soul"... most people singing with tears... then Keith (the man leading) broke out (unplanned) into "How Great Thou Art"... it was one of the most bittersweet, sadly triumphant times of my life... I don't except any non-Christian to understand why.

jason d.

Monday, November 15, 2010

A few videos of Melody Joy and Madison Hope

Here is a video of us right before Melody and Madison were born.
For some reason I could not figure out how to talk clearly or smile correctly.

Glory be to God alone Melody and Madison were born alive! If you turn up your volume and listen at the 8 second mark you will here Melody make a noise. It blesses me so much to hear that since they never cried.

Here is sweet little Kenya loving on her sisters.
I can't believe how little she was. Her voice is so cute!

I love this video of Kenya singing to her sisters!

I am so thankful for these videos!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Happy Birthday sweet girls!

Today is Melody and Madison's second birthday and I can not for the life of me figure out what I want to write. I have so much I want to say but I am emotionally drained so I will leave you the link to the video our photographer Margaret Lake created for us with some of the beautiful pictures she took November 11, 2008.

Click here to see the video.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Kenya Scored Her 1st Goal!

Kenya (#6) got her first soccer goal! (followed by a victory run!)

Friday, September 17, 2010

Quick update...

Well, this blog has been greatly neglected, but if there is anyone out there that still follows, we are still kicking and doing good. Here are some sneak peaks we got from family picture we took yesterday with some newsblast:

Judah (above) is 8 months as of yesterday and is just doing everything a baby should be doing :)

Kenya (above) is turning so girly and has requested that we stop cutting her hair so she can grow it out... she'll be 4 next month! She also enjoys playing soccer...

And there is all of us, just staying busy with life in general. We are planning some updates to the blog and we should get it back going within a month or so.

soli Deo gloria!

jason d.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Judah is sick/ updated


Judah is finally feeling better. Kenya got Herpangina but no as bad as Judah had it. I think everyone is finally better. Thank you all for praying for us!



original post:

Kenya came down with a 105 degree temperature on Saturday. I took her to the hospital and of course by the time we got there she was fine.

The next day she had no fever at all and hasn't had one since Saturday. Then Jason and Judah got it on Sunday but were both better by Monday. Then Tuesday rolled around and Judah's fever came back. He had no other symptoms so I wasn't too concerned with taking him to the doctor.

Tuesday night he woke up every hour to nurse but was in pain so he wouldn't nurse. I took him to the doctor and found out he has Herpangina which is a virus that causes very painful blisters to form in your mouth. Judah has one very large blister in the back of his mouth so that's why he wouldn't eat. When he doesn't want to nurse because of the pain I have to pump and force feed him with a medicine dropper to make sure he stays hydrated.

They told me to give him Tylenol for pain and mix Maalox and Benadryl to coat the sores. So we did that but it didn't really seem to help. Then last night he started having the seal like cough. I took him back to the doctor today and found out he has an ear infection in both ears, still has the Herpangina and also has Croup (swollen vocal chords, barking cough & difficulty breathing).

Please be praying for our sweet baby. Our friends are still living with us and they have an 8 week old baby so if you could also pray he doesn't get it that would be great. I will keep you updated on how Judah is doing.

Here are a few pictures of our sick baby. He is happy right now which is nice because he cries most of the night.

Flash back Friday/ The moment we found out we were having twins!

I have not done a Flash Back Friday in so long. But I was looking back at a lot of the blogs I had written about Melody and Madison and when I found this one I knew I had to re-share it.

As I watched this video of the exact moment we found out we were having twins I was filled with so many emotions. I was just remembering that exact moment in time, we didn't have a care in the world. We had just found out the most exciting news ever and we were all rejoicing.

It seems like there was life before we found out we were having conjoined twins and life after. I don't really know how to explain it but I feel like God used what we went through with the girls to change us and draw us closer to Him. I am not the same person I was before I found out about our girls. Life is just different now but not in a bad way at all.

I cried my eyes out watching this just remembering what all I said in the moments after the video stopped. I was telling everyone in the room I know the exact car seat I want to buy (we still had one from Kenya) I kept thinking of our future with twins. This video is the only moment in time I have ever been able to say "we are having twins" and have nothing but amazing exciting feelings. Because it was only a few minutes later we found out that our babies were conjoined. Don't get me wrong I was still so excited to be having twins but after we found out they were conjoined I had a flood of emotions any time I said were having twins because I knew I had to follow it up with "but I need you to pray because they are conjoined."

I cried watching this video because I remember how excited I was that we were having twins, I cried because I remember how it felt the moment my midwife told me they were conjoined, I cried because my babies were alive in this video and their future was still uncertain, I cried as I remembered how faithful God was to us, I cried because I miss my babies and I cried because I am so thankful that we didn't have to walk through this trial alone.

God allowed us to go through that trial for our good and his glory and for that I am thankful! Romans 8:28



Jason was recording the exact moment we found out that we were having twins! We were so excited and still are.

We are so thankful that God blessed us with Melody Joy and Madison Hope. We are still so excited to be having twins this is something that I have always wanted and I'm truly blessed that God gave Melody and Madison to us. We pray that He would be glorified through their lives and ours.

Jason and I have been memorizing Romans 5: 3-5 so I wanted to share it with you all:

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
(Romans 5:3-5)

I remember the moment it hit me... I looked at Jason and said "in light of eternity this is nothing." Now don't get me wrong this is a huge deal, Jason and I are dealing with the possibility of losing not one but two children. This even more makes us long for Heaven, a place were there will be no more pain or suffering, were God Himself wipes away our tears (Revelation 7:17; 21:4). It is like Paul said: For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. (Romans 8:18)

This is the importance of having a eternal perspective, knowing that God has a purpose in this suffering and will ultimately use it for His glory and our good (Romans 8:28).

Remember what happened with Job after his children were killed, his servants got killed, and other bad things happened to him (Job 1).

So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD and struck Job with loathsome sores from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. And he took a piece of broken pottery with which to scrape himself while he sat in the ashes. Then his wife said to him, "Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die." But he said to her, "You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" In all this Job did not sin with his lips.
(Job 2:7-10)

Should we take the good and not bad? Of course not. So we will continue to praise His name because He is so worthy of all our praise, because He is God!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

A little box

There is a little box in the top of our closet that the hospital gave us after the twins died. I see it all the time but tonight I decided to open it and take some time to remember my girls. As I opened the box I was flooded with so many emotions. It was like I was transported right back to November 11th 2008 the day I met and lost my babies.

As I dug through all of my girls belongings I had forgotten so many things that were in there. I pulled out their booger sucker, their hospital bracelets, the sweetest most encouraging cards ever, I pulled out the little post card that was on the door of our hospital so that everyone who came in would know we had lost a child, it wasn't until I got to their shirts that were still buttoned together that I lost it. I realized I often go through life not thinking about the fact that we really had conjoined twins, they really died and I really have 2 babies in heaven. Kenya is really a big sister to three little siblings not just one, Judah really is a little brother to three big sisters not just one, I really buried two of my kids and walked away leaving their tiny little bodies in the ground still stuck together, I really have four children not two, I am a Mom to 2 perfectly healthy children and 2 children made whole in Heaven.

God really allowed us to walk through that trial with His help and for His glory alone. Jason really experienced all of those things right alongside of me and made sure that I was okay before ever thinking of himself. We really, really, really were and still are the parents to conjoined twin girls made whole in heaven and for all of that I am thankful! A little box in the top of my closet reminds me (as my friend Kristy said) that God is sovereign over suffering and He is still good!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Judah 2 months old (a little late)

I was planning on posting a blog every month on the 16th so we could see how much Judah was growing. Well as you can see I am a little late this month.

Here is Judah at 2 (and a half) months old.
Judah now that you are 2 months old you are awake a lot more during the day. You love smiling and cooing. You can now hold your head up pretty good. You love being held and you don't mind being on the floor. For the last 2 weeks from about 7 to 9 pm you scream your head off (not the whole time). There is really not much we can do for you. I just try to hold and comfort you. Even though I am so sad you are upset I treasure this time learning how to meet your needs. You are such a sweet baby and I love you more than words could ever express. You now sleep in the pac n play beside our bed, swaddled of course. I normally feed you for the last time at 10pm then you wake up at 3 and 6 am to eat (you sometimes skip your 3am feeding). After that you sleep until 9:30am. I feel so much more rested now. You are such a blessing in our lives. I walked be a mirror yesterday and saw my reflection while I was holding you and I just had to stop and praise God. I just started remembering how worried I was when I was pregnant with you. I wasn't sure if my uterus was going to rupture I wasn't sure if you were really okay but God was just so faithful! As I looked at our reflection in the mirror I was just rejoicing that God allowed you to be born alive and rejoicing that He protected me during my pregnancy. It was surreal to be holding my 2 month old son! I am so thankful for God's sovereignty in our lives!

As a side note please be praying for my blogger friend Jessica her son Alex fell yesterday and has a broken vertebre.


Wednesday, March 24, 2010

We're still here

Well, I lost my camera and it's a little bit challenging writing a blog on Jason's phone but here I am :) We are doing good! The last few weeks have been crazy busy I started watching kids again, my Dad had a heart attack and some very good friends moved in with us for a while.

I'm watching kids a few days a week. So I have Kenya who is 3, Sadie is almost 2, Colt is 4 months and Judah just turned 2 months old. It sounds crazy but I get a lot more done with all the kids here. I will try to start my Tiny Treasures Tuesday posts again to keep you all in the loop.

My Dad is doing good and is home. He is sore but glad to be alive. Thank you all for praying for him!

We are really loving our friends living with us. We all share the house work and cooking and it just works.

I'm hoping to do Judah's 2 month old post tomorrow even though it's a week late :)

Here are a few pictures of the kids until I do a real post tomorrow.

This is the first time I was able to get Judah's smile on camera. (The camera on Jason's phone that is)

Judah just chillin and Kenya being silly.

Kenya loving on her baby brother.

That is all until tomorrow.

vanessa d. via jason's Android

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Vanessa's Dad had a heart attack/ UPDATE/ Last Update

I just wanted to say thank you guys so much for praying my Dad went home from the hospital yesterday. I'm so surprised at how fast he recovered. I am just praising God for his recovery.


My Dad is doing a lot better! They removed the balloon from his heart so it is now pumping on it's own. He is now breathing on his own and they will remove the ventilator in the morning if he is still doing good. He has a long way to go but he is making progress. Thank you so much for praying!


Hey this is Vanessa and I'm writing this from Jason's phone so please forgive any typos. I just wanted to ask for prayer for my Dad he had a massive heart attack today. His heart stopped for about 20 minutes. They were able to start it again and do surgery. They put a stent and a balloon in his heart. He is also on a vent and hooked up to tons of iv's. He had a second heart attack after the surgery and his heart stopped again. They got it started and got him moved to the icu. We were able to see him but he is sedate so he was not awake or responding to us. There are lots of details I'm leaving out but will write more once I can. Please please be praying!
Vanessa d. via Android

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Judah 2/25/10

Just in case you were wondering what Judah was doing this exact moment of his life I decided to share it with you.

Really I just wanted to show off his CUTE dino outfit and my cute son, can you blame me!?!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Margaret's hospital pictures/ Happy Birthday

Today is our dear friend Margaret Lakes Birthday and I wanted to take the time to tell her how much she means to us and tell y'all the story of how we met.

Margaret was the second and last wedding photographer we interviewed before we got married about 5 years ago. As soon as we left we knew she was the one we wanted to take our wedding photos. She was very friendly and her work was amazing. She is a documentary style photographer, meaning she wouldn't just get a few posed shots but would capture the whole day of our wedding and the pictures would be able to tell the story of that day for years to come.

The day of our wedding she got there early to get pictures of me getting ready. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do and she said you can do whatever you want, just be yourself. So after that I just got ready and did what I would normally do. I didn't even notice she was there. In fact after our wedding I told Jason I don't think Margaret got pictures of this moment or that one because I didn't see her, but sure enough when we saw the pictures she got everything and much more than I would have hoped for. Our pictures are amazing and every time I look at them I remember exactly what I was feeling at that moment in time.

Then when Kenya was about 8 months old we have family pictures done to celebrate Jason's brother, Uncle Toe Toe, graduating from college. Again she was amazing and we loved the pictures.

Fast forward to 2008 when we found out about Melody and Madison being conjoined we started doing a ton of research. During that time we found out about an organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep it was a group of professional photographers who take pictures for families who have babies that are not expected to live all free of charge. We knew right away this was something we wanted to do. We wanted our moments with Melody and Madison documented and I also didn't want Jason or I to have to worry about taking pictures. I wanted us to be able to love on our girls without thinking about anything else.

The more I thought about it though the more I realized I didn't really want a stranger sharing these moments with us I wanted someone I knew and trusted. So I emailed Margaret and told her all about the twins then I told her all about Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. I explained to her that I couldn't imagine anyone else taking these pictures and asked her if she would be willing to do it. Without hesitation she said yes.

When we found out we would be delivering Melody and Madison I was really nervous about having the pictures taken, I'm not sure why. I called Margaret and told her we would be delivering that day sometime around 6pm I told her she didn't have to come right away if she didn't want to but with in a hour she was there. I was so thankful she came right up there I may have chickened out and not had them taken if she didn't. I was so glad she was there she was able to capture the moments we had with our friends and family before the girls were born. She was able to take pictures of us getting their clothes ready and our family and friends praying for us after we went into the OR. She took pictures that mean the world to me of moments I would have never gotten to see while I was in surgery. She was there while our friends and family got to meet the girls. Margaret was such a blessing to have there. She became not only a friend but a part of our family that day.

She took family/pregnancy pictures of us a few weeks before Judah was born. Again she out did herself.

After we had Judah, Margaret and her family came up to meet him. It was so neat to get to introduce her to our son. She was so sweet and took pictures of him at the hospital. I will share those at the end of this blog post.

So that is how we met and got to know our amazing friend/ photographer Margaret Lake.

Margaret, We love you dearly and we are so thankful God allowed us to be a part of each others lives. You have been there for us in our happiest and saddest moments and we are so blessed by the gift you have been to our family. I hope you have a great birthday and I hope you know how much you are loved!


Jason, Vanessa, Kenya and Judah

And now for your viewing pleasure the pictures Margaret took at the hospital.

Jason's Dad (Papa T) holding Judah.
Kenya being silly
Uncle Toe Toe
And one of the many faces of baby Judah
blogger wont let me up load anymore pictures so I put the rest in a picasa album go check them out HERE

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Judah is one month old

Today Judah is one month old. I am planning on taking a picture of him every month with that bear so we can all see how much he is growing. After we found out we were going to have a baby we were shopping at Carters and Kenya found that bear and said "we have to get this for my baby brother" we didn't know what we were having but it was so cute we had to get the bear. Turns out she was right and she sure does love her baby brother.

Judah now that you are one month old you are staying awake for about 4 hours a day now.

You are normally a very happy baby although the past 3 days you have gotten a little fussy and you now spit up.

You have cooed twice once at Daddy and once at Kenya but your first smile was for Mommy.

You normally eat your last feeding of the night at 11:50ish then only wake up one to two times during the night to eat. You are such a good baby you go right back to sleep once you are done eating and that makes me very happy.

You had your first bottle (with Mommy's milk in it) last week and you did great.

You only take a pacifier at night which may be why you sleep so well.

Your sister is in love with you and holds you most of the day. She has gotten a lot better about sharing you with friends and family.

You HATE sleeping flat so you sleep in your car seat at night and I (Mommy) normally hold you during the day for your naps. You have to be swaddled while you are sleeping otherwise you will wake up after only a few minutes.

I can't believe you are already a month old. I love having a son you are such a blessing to our family. I pray we will always enjoy you and your sister and not take one moment for granted.

We love you Judah happy one month old birthday!

And just for fun here is what Kenya looked like when she was one month old.

and here is a better shot of Judah from today

I didn't really think they looked alike until now. I'm praising God for the blessings He has given us!

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
you have loosed my sackcloth
and clothed me with gladness,
that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!
Psalm 30:11-12

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Judah's Birth / 1st Day of Life Story

I cannot believe I have not written about the day we had Judah yet! So here it goes...

I woke up Saturday morning (1/16/10) around 7am and started packing a few last minute things. It hadn't really set in that this was the day we would be having our baby. Before I knew it we were running late and had to leave right away. As we were driving to the hospital I kept thinking, "This is it... they are not going to send us home this time... we are really going to have our baby."

We got to the hospital a couple of minutes late and headed up to labor and delivery. As we walked in the room I was flooded with so many emotions. I was remembering walking into the labor and delivery room when it was time to have Melody and Madison and looking over at the baby bed warmer knowing they would most likely never get to lay in there alive. Looking at the diapers knowing I would most likely never get to use the whole pack. But this time it was different there was such joy knowing that our baby would soon be wearing those diapers and laying in that baby bed.

They started prepping me right away for the c section. Asking me tons of questions getting me hooked up to the monitors then all of our family got there. There were a lot of people in that room. My nurse made them all go out in the waiting room though because they would be prepping me the whole time and needed to get it done fast.

(my lovely silver hat was to help me stay warm in the OR)

I was having contractions about every 7 minutes (which was so neat, it kinda makes me think the baby was ready to come out and we weren't just getting the baby before it was time.) All the doctors came in and told me what to except and what they would be doing. Then the nurses did a few more thing to prep me and it was time to go... or so I thought. They were running a little behind schedule so we waited and waited and waited it seemed like it took forever but it was only about 30 minutes.

Then they got the news IT WAS TIME. It still didn't seem real, I just showed up to the hospital not in labor and I was going to have a baby??? It was all so strange.

Jason prayed before they wheeled me back and then it was time. The nurse told Jason it would take 20 to 30 minutes to get me ready then they would come back for him and our photographer Michelle. Michelle is a good friend of mine who has recently started her photography business. She is not Margaret who is also a good friend of ours and took pictures of the twins. Margaret did come up a little later to see our baby and take some pictures :)

The whole way back to the OR the baby was kicking like crazy. It was such a joy to feel my baby moving in my womb knowing there were only a few minutes left before I would be holding our baby. This was probably one of my favorite parts of my day. I really don't know how to express what a gift it was to feel the baby moving all the way until they pulled him out of me.

As I entered the OR it seemed so different then with the twins. I kept saying, "Where is everyone?" When we had Melody and Madison there were people everywhere. So I thought that's what it would be like again. Not this time though there was only like 6 or 7 people in there. Okay, I fully just made up that number but that's all I remember being in there.

I was so scared this time. With Melody and Madison there was just this amazing peace that surrounded the whole day. I wasn't scared with them but this time I was terrified. It was time for them to give me a spinal and in my head I just knew it wasn't going to work and I was going to feel it then they were going to knock me out and I wouldn't see my baby for hours. Yes, I know I'm a little dramatic.

I had a spinal with the twins also and I remember it hurt really bad, in fact, I jumped when they put the needle in and I thought I was never going to be able to walk again. But this time it hardly hurt at all. She put the needle in and I remember there was a lot of pressure and one point for a second it hurt pretty bad but over all it was fine. In fact it went so well I thought for sure it wasn't going to work and I would end up feeling the whole thing. I know very dramatic.

After I got the spinal I had to lay down really fast and wait for the medicine to work. At first nothing I could still move my feet. I was thinking, "Oh no, they are going to have to knock me out (that's what they said they would have to do if it didn't work)." But within a few minutes I couldn't feel anything.

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks I just knew I was going to throw up. So I said in a really soft voice because I was embarrassed, "I think I'm going to throw up." The anesthesiologist said, "Okay, I'm giving you something for that right now." Then it got worse and worse and worse and I said, "I really think I'm going to throw up." They gave me a bowl just in case. Then the worst part of all, I just knew I was about to pass out. My head was spinning I couldn't really breathe I was about to panic. So I said, "Now I'm going to throw up and pass out." She said, "Okay, just close your eyes and this medicine will work very soon." I was just about to yell, "JUST KNOCK ME OUT! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!" and then it was gone. I felt totally fine, well besides the fact I could barely hold my eyes open.

They got everything set up and I asked, "When will you get Jason?" and they said "As soon as you doctor starts washing up." Well it was about that time he walked in the room and no one was going to get Jason. I was about to ask when one of the nurses left the room. I could fell my doctor had started the c section and Jason still wasn't in there.

They said it only takes 2 to 5 minutes to get the baby out once they start and I just knew Jason was going to miss it. The other nurse kept peeking her head out looking for him and I was about to cry when I saw my husband walk in the room. What a relief it was to see my hubby all dressed in his scrubs!

He sat down beside me and the we overheard my doctor talking to the other doctor. My doctor asked "Does anyone have a camera?" I thought, "Well, that's strange." Then the other doctor said, "I have my phone and it takes pictures." I thought, "Okay that's REALLY strange." At this point we still had no clue why they wanted a camera. Then Jason said, "I have a camera." So one of the nurses grabbed it from him and took pictures for my doctor then brought it back. Then I could hear some of the nurses talking, saying, "What is that?" and, "Come see this." I thought, "I must have some sort of tumor!" then I thought, "We are having twins and he had just missed one on the sonograms." They still didn't tell us what was going on until I asked. Once they cut me open and looked at my uterus they realized I have a "window" (as they called it) on my uterus that was so thin you could see the baby. It literally looked like a pretty big part of my uterus had a piece of Saran Wrap over it and you could fully see the baby inside of my womb. So what does all the mean. Well my uterus could have ruptured at any time it was paper thin in a pretty big area.

I was amazed at God's faithfulness. If it would have ruptured the baby and I could have died. We got a glimpse of how short life is and how short it could have been for the baby and I. We were and are so thankful for all of your prayers the Lord completely protected the baby and myself.

Not too long after that I felt a lot of tugging (when I say I can fell things it's not painful just kinda tingly) then I head the most amazing sound EVER... our baby started crying. I was overcome with emotions I would start to cry and laugh all at the same time. We never got to hear Melody and Madison cry and this was the moment I had been waiting for for 9 months not really knowing if it was going to happen this time. But it did and I could not believe it. I just looked over at Jason after crying for a second then I started laughing I was just so excited that our baby was crying!

They lifted the baby over the curtain so Jason could tell me what it was. When he said, "IT'S A BOY!" I couldn't believe it. Well I could because that's what I thought it was, but man, when I heard those words I was overjoyed! We have a SON!

We had had a boys name picked out since we were engaged and we had never changed it. Until about a week before delivery when Jason told me he wanted to change the boys middle name. I was shocked. At first I wasn't too fond of that idea but Jason said he wanted his (if it was a boy) middle name to have more meaning something to do with what we went through with Melody and Madison so I said okay. Going into the OR our baby really didn't have a middle name. But after Jason saw him he said how about Judah Adoniram and I said sure. I really do love his name. We have just always love the name Judah and it means Praise (which I know Jason already said on here) and we named him Adoniram after Adoniram Judson who was the first missionary sent out from the U.S.. He has an amazing testimony filled with lots of tragedy, but it shows just how faithful God is. Here is the link to a biography that John Piper did on Adoniram Judson. It truly blessed me to hear what all God had done in his life as I sat in the hospital holding Judah. We also picked the name because of its meaning. Adoniram means "My God is most high".

Okay back to the OR. They had Judah at the warmer cleaning him up and I was just loving getting to hear my baby cry! Jason kept going back and forth between me and Judah. I kept saying, "Go take more pictures of him and come show me." So he did. I couldn't believe it when I got to see his picture for the first time. I fell in love with that baby!

My nurse came over and told me that they were going to call a nurse from the NICU to come in and check on Judah because his breathing was a little fast, so of course I said, "Okay". She came in and looked at him for a while. Then it was time for me to go to my room. She came back over and said she wanted to take him to the NICU to watch him for a little while because his breathing was a little fast every now and then.

I said, "Okay, but can I hold him first?" She said, "Of course." and I will never forget the moment they put him in my arms. The first thing I did was smell him, I love the smell of a new born. Then I gave him a kiss and handed him to Jason so he could hold him for a second before they took him. As they were wheeling him away I was okay. I was so tired after my c section all I wanted to do was sleep. So it was a blessing that they had to watch him for a little while because I was able to get some rest before my sweet baby joined us in our room.

I didn't really want to see anyone after my c section because I was so tired but a few family members came back, which was fine. Then it was time for me to go to my other room. Come to find out they put Judah in the observation nursery so he wasn't in the nicu. Our family was able to see him there, which was nice.

A few of them came and said hi to Jason and I the others stayed with the baby. Judah was born at 11:51 am and they finally brought him to the room at 3:30pm toward the end of that time I was just so ready to see my baby. The original plan was to have Destinee bring Kenya in first let them get to see the baby together then we would let everyone else come in. Well, since he was in the nursery that didn't work out very well. There was some family in the room when they brought him in from the nursery but we didn't let them hold him because we wanted Destinee and Kenya to hold him first.

We texted Destinee and told her to come back (Kenya was asleep) so she got to hold him then the rest of the family came in. Kenya woke up to hold her brother and she could not have been more proud. She was so cute with him! She got to hold him for a few minutes then I said, "Okay let's let everyone else hold him because Mommy needs to nurse him." That's when it happened... she lost it! I'm talking ugly cry, it wasn't even her bratty cry, it was her "I'm offend way deep down" cry. Everyone agreed to just let Kenya hold the baby since this was all new to her.

All the family left shortly after that. I kinda felt bad they were there all day and no one really go to hold him but us, Destinee and Kenya. Most of them came back up to the hospital the next day to see him.

After Kenya got to hold him for a little while I nursed him and then we just all loved on him for awhile.

I can't really remember what happened the rest of that day but I know Jason and I held Judah and never really put him down.

Things could not have gone better and we are praising God that he held my womb together!

O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you; I will praise your name, for you have done wonderful things, plans formed of old, faithful and sure.
Isaiah 25:1