After our friends had a miscarriage on February 27th I was devastated. I felt like I started mourning the loss of our babies after their baby died. I know that sounds strange so let me explain. I of course was devastated when our babies died but I never had a heavy heart. I was sad and I cried but I didn't ever feel like my heart weighed 1,000 tons and I wasn't sick to my stomach like I thought I would have been. But after our friends baby died it was instant. I got the heavy heart and the sick to my stomach feeling,... oh and the very fun cry wherever I was at about anything and everything. I was mourning the loss of our babies and their baby. It hurt so much but it was such a good place to be.
"Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad."
- Ecclesiastes 7:3
- Ecclesiastes 7:3
As I was in the middle of mourning the loss of our babies I told Jason I can not take anymore, If anything else happens I'm going to go crazy. I really meant that too. Then on March 3rd a very dear friend of mine (well, really she was like a big sister to me) Stephanie Malone died. She was 29, married with two sons, one is 4 years old and the other one is 7 months old. I couldn't believe it! I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. Stephanie was such an AMAZING woman she loved the Lord and I know that I would not be where I am today if it had not been for her and her husband Randy taking me under their wing when I was a teenager.
I never questioned God. I know that He is sovereign and that it was for His glory and for my good as Romans 8:28 says "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." I knew Gods ways are far better than mine but it still hurt. I'm so thankful that Stephanie loved the Lord. I know that I will see her again! I am able to mourn not as the world but with hope knowing that I will see her in Heaven (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18.)
So moving on it got a little easier as the days went on. Jason and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary on March 5th.
(more pics of our wedding here)
We went to PF Changs (which we do not do very often) and had a lovely dinner. (Just a side note if you ever go to PF Changs you HAVE to get the spring roll bananas for desert they are amazing!) It was so nice to get to spend time with my hubby and celebrate the gift that God had given us through marriage.
I LOVE being married to Jason! I couldn't have built a more perfect husband for myself. God knew what I needed in a husband, God knew what we would go through and He knew that Jason is the only one who I would want to go through any of it with! We have never had a year of marriage without great sorrow,...but it has always been mingled with great joy. I have never regretted any of the things God has brought us through. It has made me fall more and more in love with my husband seeing how he leads our family and seeing how he comforts me. It has strengthened our marriage.
I love you Jason and no matter what we go through I'm just so thankful that I have you to go through it with me!
So then on March 8th we found out that our dear friend of ours Samantha Bunch died. We couldn't believe it. We love her so much and can't believe she is gone. My favorite memory of Samantha was when I was pregnant with Kenya, Sammie was probably 16 she would always come up to me at church and say "Vanessa you haven't had that baby yet?" I would say "not yet" and then she would ALWAYS say "your HUGE I can't believe you haven't had that baby yet." Then I would always say "thanks Sam" It still makes me laugh to this day. Samantha will be greatly missed by a lot of people!
Then just two days later we found out that the Wright family delivered their conjoined twin girls Anna and Emma.
Their girls lived for an hour and forty five minutes which is such a blessing from the Lord because 50% of all conjoined twins are still born. I was so sad for their loss. I know exactly what they are going through and although the road ahead is not easy when they look back I know that they will feel blessed to have been able to have gone through what they went through.
Paige and Brandt we are praying for you guys we love yall very much!
So with out going into all the details of everyone who has died in our lives I just want to let yall know that I have had 9 people in the last year that are close to me die. Their ages range from a few weeks after conception to almost 80 years old. So that brings me to my next point,...
Jason and I talk a lot about the Lord and what it means to be born again. But if you have been reading this thinking, "Oh, I'm glad that worked for them" or, "I'm young, nothing is going to happen to me." I want you to understand that you are not promised tomorrow. The Bible says in Hebrews 9:27 "And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment", Did you get that? it is appointed every man once to die. The Lord knows the day we will leave this Earth. He knew when our babies would die, He knew that Stephanie would die at 29 and that my step Dad's Mom would pass away after living a very full life of close to 80 years (if I'm remembering her age correctly). So the question is,... Do you know the Lord? Have you been born again? Do you know what it means to repent of your sins and fully trust in the Lord for your salvation? If you don't please click on this link don't waste any time do it now.
To God be the Glory.