32 weeks pregnant

(I wrote this yesterday)

Hello all, today I am 32 weeks pregnant which is when I went into labor with our twin girls. It has kinda been a strange day. The more time goes by today the more sad I get. It is so strange because the times that "should be" hard really are not. Like the funeral (granted I was highly medicated) the girls one year birthday, and other things like these should have been hard but for some reason I was fine those days but today being as far along as I was when I delivered Melody and Madison I'm just an emotional wreck.

I think after I put Kenya in bed I will take some time to look at pictures and remember the girls. It's not that often that I get like this and when I do I really want to take time to remember Melody and Madison.

Oh and you will never believe I am bigger at this point then I was with the twins which makes me laugh. I love being pregnant and I love love love getting HUGE and I have done just that.

This has been such an easy pregnancy. At first I was scared of having a miscarriage and I really had to give that over to the Lord and rest in His sovereignty. Once I realized that I was pregnant but it was okay to do things it has made life so much easier. I have been nesting almost the whole time which has been great. I use to hate cleaning now I love it. I hope that feeling never goes away.

I remember when I was 31 weeks and a few days pregnant with Melody and Madison I went to the doctor and I was miserable! I was in a wheel chair because it hurt so bad to walk. I felt like my ribs were broken I couldn't sleep or breathe for that matter. I almost passed out every time I had a sonogram done because I had so much extra fluid it pushed up against my lungs when I lay down it cut off my air supply. I ended up delivering a few days later. It was hard when I delivered the girls but it was also a relief I didn't know how much more I could take physically.

This pregnancy (at 32 week) I feel great. I don't really even feel pregnant. I'm a little sore and it is getting a little harder to sleep at night but other than that I feel normal. I love getting to feel and see this baby moving. Kenya really enjoys it when the baby kicks her too, it has been really neat watching her interact with "Baby Jealous."

We set the delivery date for January 16th. I can't wait to see this sweet baby in 5 weeks. Can you believe that we are having a baby next month!

It really feels like I'm having my first child all over again. I can't wait to hold the baby and see Jason and Kenya hold the baby. I can't wait to do things a little differently this time. We had Kenya on a strict schedule if she was happy laying on the floor I wouldn't let anyone hold her and she fell asleep on her own in her bed from a very young age. This time I plan on doing more baby directed parenting meaning if the baby is hungry I'm going to feed it whether it has been 2 hours or not, I plan on rocking the baby to sleep and holding it as much as I can. I know this baby most likely wont be as easy as Kenya was but I'm looking forward to really enjoying the new born stage. It goes by way too fast and I can't wait to take it all in.

All of our family jokes that they are never going to be able to hold the baby because I'm going to have it all the time (and they are probably right... just kidding) I will share (for like 2-3 seconds at a time :) No really I am looking forward to showing our new baby off and letting everyone enjoy this sweet baby.

I'm excited we are delivering on a Saturday, all of our family and friends who want to come hang and wait for this baby to be born (I'm having a c section so there wont be a lot of waiting) will be able to do it.

I feel like that was a lot of random information but it's what I'm feeling tonight. I need to take a belly shot so you can see the HUGENESS of it but for now no picture is what you get :)

Have a great night!

Vanessa