I just wanted to start out be saying thank you all so much for all the kind words yall left on our comments, the scriptures and prayers were such a huge blessing. We know that God is being glorified through this and we are blown away by His sustaining grace during this time.
I wanted to share with everyone the events leading up to Melody and Madison's birth and all the events the day of their birth.
It all started on November 9th I was having contractions all day about 10 an hour which normally would be alarming but was normal for me because of all the extra amniotic fluid. My doctor told me to expect contractions like that but if they got painful to come in.
So onto Sunday night I had contractions all night strong ones that woke me up. This has never happened before so I started getting a little concerned. I decided that I would see what happened on Monday the 10th and wouldn't you know I have some pretty strong contractions that day as well. I didn't want to go to the hospital because I thought they we still just Braxton Hicks contractions. So I decided to go to bed and if they kept me up all night again then we would come to the hospital to be monitored. Do you notice a pattern here I think I'm a doctor : ) So Monday night I had contractions all night again they got so bad I finally just got up at 4am and took a shower and a bath trying to relax. Well it worked and my contractions had slowed down a ton. I had already said I would go to the hospital if they kept me up all night but now they were few and far between. At this point Tuesday November 11th I decided to quit playing doctor and see what my doctor wanted me to do. So I called and of course he wanted me to go to the hospital to be monitored. I felt so stupid for going because my contractions were not that bad anymore. My sweet husband reminded me that I call the doctor and they wanted me to come in I should not feel stupid about that.
When we got to the hospital much to our surprise the same nurse was working that took care of us two weeks ago when we came. I think her name is Ashley I will find out and tell you for sure later. She is the sweetest person and I was so thankful that she would be taking care of me.
She got me all hooked up to the monitors and I was still having consistent contractions every other one was stronger. So she checked me at about 1:00 pm and I was dilated to a 3 and 50% ephased. I couldn't believe it i was devastated. We were only 32 weeks along and I really wanted to make it to 36 weeks. She waited about an hour and checked me again I was dilated to a four. At that point my doctor called me and we talked for a few minutes about what the plan would be and he told me that we would be delivering that day. I lost it over the phone I couldn't even get words out of my mouth. I love my doctor he was so sweet he just kept saying I'm so sorry about this.
I asked Ashely (the nurse) why wouldn't they try to stop my labor. She said if I wasn't in active labor that there were some things they could do to stop it but since I was in active labor there was nothing they could do. My body just thought it was time to deliver. I'm glad she explained that to me.
So next about 3:00 pm they moved me up to labor and delivery and checked me again I was now at a 5 and 70% present ephased. I will have you all know I did not have any pain meds until we got into the OR. I was so excited that I was able to labor with no pain meds. If you remember we started off the pregnancy using a midwife and wanting a home birth. So that was a huge blessing from God that I got to labor and feel the contractions. My water wasn't broken so they weren't too painful but still I'm sure you all get the point. Oh and if your looking for a good midwife in the DFW area check out Ann's website she is such a sweet person and has been delivering babies for a long time. http://gentlebeginningsbc.com/about/faqs.htm
Our family and a few close friend started showing up around 4pm they helped time to pass by pretty quickly. The Photographer that we used at our wedding came to take pictures for us. It was so amazing because Jason and I could just be in the moment and not have to worry about missing anything. Margaret (our photographer) got to the hospital and stayed with us until around 10 so that she could also get pictures of Jason parents with the babies, they got into town around 9pm. She did this all for free and every time I would tell her thank you she would say don't think me I'm just serving the Lord. Margaret thank you so much for everything I know that you were serving the Lord by taking those pictures but you will never know how much that meant to us! We love you and truly appreciate it! Here is her website http://mlakephotography.com/ if anyone needs a GREAT photographer. She is working on the picutes now but I can't wait to get them and put some on the blog.
My older sister Brandi wasn't planing on coming into town until Saturday but a close friend of her husband's family had died she she drove into town early to be with his family. Please be praying for his family. God providential hand was at work through this whole day and pregnancy. That was such a huge blessing for both of us that she was able to be here.
Through out the coarse of the day all the doctors came to see us to make sure we were all on the same page as far as the delivery and we were.
I was so scared of having a csection I have thought about it for the last 13 weeks. I kept telling Jason there has got to be some other way we can get them out. Of course there wasn't though.
At about 6pm they took me back to the OR and started prepping me for surgery. The spinal hurt pretty bad but they put this new pain med into my spine and it's lasts for 24 hours. Can you believe that? I didn't feel any pain from the surgery until about 12 hours later and even then I wasn't bad. I didn't get more pain meds until about 10 the next morning. Oh and the best part is that it doesn't go to your head so I was alert the whole time.
So I'm numb at this point they brought Destinee (my 15 year old sister that we have custody of and Jason into the OR. She wants to be a NICU nurse so this was a big deal to her that she got to be in there. She watched to whole thing. I didn't even know that they had started until she told me. Which was good because I was so scared that I was going to feel it but I didn't even know he had started until they were half was done.
She was so cute she was giving us a play by play. She was saying this is the coolest thing ever, oh they are pulling them out, oh they are so cute.
As soon as the babies came out at 6:24pm Jason and Destinee went over to the warmer to see and take pictures of them. I forgot to tell you remember the nurse Ashley that took care of us earlier in the day well she surprised us and was able to be in there for the delivery. It's crazy how fast you can form a bond with someone in such a short amount of time. Thank you Ashley you were a huge blessing. She stayed with me while Jason and Destinee were looking a the babies. I asked the hardest question that I have ever asked in my life "are Melody and Madison alive?" She said "yes and they are moving around." I couldn't believe it they came out alive! The girls lived for about and hour and peacefully God took them home. That was such a huge answer to prayer we wanted to spend time with them while they were alive. They stayed with us the whole time.
Once we got back to our room the nurse brought Kenya in to see them. She was so cute and sweet with the girls. She knew just who they were. She kept saying "Melody and Madison they stuck together." Then she was saying "oh they so cute" and she told them on her own I love you. Right away she started singing the Melody Madison song it goes like this...
Melody Madison clap clap clap
two little babies joined together
Melody Madison clap clap clap
two little babies joined together.
It was so cute!
Jason, Destinee, Kenya and I spent some time with the babies and then we let the family and friends come in a few at a time. I wasn't sure if we were going to let anyone hold them but we did. It helped me a lot to see other people loving on them I know it helped our families to get to say good bye.
The nurse we had after the babies were born was so wonderful you could tell she had dealt with parents losing their child before. She included Destinee in everything. They gave them a bath together, did their feet and hand prints, put on diapers and got them dressed.
After Jason's parents and brother Uncle Toe Toe got to spend some time with them we decided it was time to let Melody and Madison go (meaning leave our room). We asked everyone to step out of the room so it was only Jason, Destinee, Kenya, Melody and Madison. Next was one of the hardest parts of the day we let Kenya hold them and we explained to her that Melody an Madison were not going to be coming home with us, that they went to live with Jesus and this was the last time we were going to see them here on this earth, but when we get to heaven that they would be there worshiping God. What an amazing thing to be in heaven no pain, no sickness, just worshiping God. He is so worthy of our praise! BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!
After that Destinee and Kenya went back to our house with Rose, Tony and Uncle Toe Toe. They are going to stay with us for a while to help out around the house, and with Kenya.
So next to the second hardest part of the day we paged the nurse and told her we were ready for her to take them. After that both Jason and I lost it. We just held each other and cried our eyes out for a while. Then we were ok God just gave us a peace that passes all understanding. We were both able to fall right to sleep after that.
Although yesterday was one of the saddest days of my life it was also one of the most amazing days of my life. I can't even think of a way to put into words what it felt like to be comforted by the Lord. God is so good and although our babies are no longer with us God answered so many prayers along the way.
Glory be to God alone!
(blogger wouldn't let upload any pictures I will see of Jason can add some once he wakes up)