Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Our M&M's were born one week ago today

Our M&M's were born one week ago today.

Exactly one week ago today I was laying on the O.R. table looking at my sweet babies heart beating. Something I didn't know if I would have ever gotten to see. As I lay there holding and watching my babies breathe and watching their heart beating I was so thankful that they were born alive. God had answered one of our greatest prayer requests that if our babies weren't going to make it please let them be born alive. I just held them not knowing how long this moment would last but cherishing every second of it. We could see their heart beating at the top of their chests it was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen.

Last night Kenya lay across my lap and fell asleep it was so sweet. I just happen to glance down and I could see her heart beating at the top of her chest. I just watched as her little chest moved up and down with every beat of her heart. I just praised God in that moment. Praise the Lord we have a healthy little girl full of life. When is the last time you held your children and watched them breathe or watched their heart beat?


Andrea & Jim-Britt said...

You and your kids have so touched my heart, I realize & am so thankful for the moments Saide wakes me up at night instead of being frustrated I can't sleep. I now realize even more now how precious each of the moments we have together are. Thank you for posting this...I hope it makes people realize how blessed they are just to be able to hold their babies at night I'm glad you were able to spend even a moment with your baby girls. I love you my friend!!

noahandlylasmommi said...

I am so blessed to have my two healthy, wonderful children. Something I should never take for granted. I will hold them tight tonight and thank God their hearts are beating and I have more time with them.

Anonymous said...

I have been reading and keeping up with the blog and have not known what to say. I just now read the most recent blog and the comment made from Vanessa:

“When is the last time you held your children and watched them breathe or watched their heart beat?”

This comment finally made me realize that I have learned a life lesson. By you sharing the most difficult time in your life, you have touched my life and have been an inspiration. I will now watch my children breathe. I will listen carefully to their every breath and not take for granted that breath they just took as it could be their last. Amongst the hustle and bustle of my life, I need to take the time to listen. I hope to only be a bit as unselfish as you, to give all of myself to my three children as you gave to Melody and Madison and continue to give to Kenya and give my children them all the love, patience and understanding that I have in me!

Your strength, determination, courage, hopes, and beliefs inspire me to be a better mother.

I have to tell you that I am not a religious person and had, and sometimes still have a difficult time (sometimes anger) when I try to understand why my mother died. This in no way compares to loosing your own children but I do know that if I had a stronger religious belief, I could understand why she left us. I do know that she is now my angel and now you have two angels in heaven to protect you and your family.

I do not pray much, but when I do it is to my mom in heaven and I will pray to her to watch baby Melody and Madison and take care of them and love them just as she loved me.

I have forwarded your blog to all my family and friends and told them that I hope they take away just a little bit of something from this as I have. So thank you for sharing your life with us. I wish you all well!

My deepest sympathy and love to you!

Elizabeth said...

your strength & faith inspire me

The Sappington's said...


I love you, girlfriend. Thank oyu for sharing. I always go in Jadyn's room at night before I go to bed, just to see her breathing...

p.s. I love Kenya's p.j'.s :) She's got some cool friends who got style to give her such p.j's...hehe

Stephanie Morales said...

Funny you should ask that question about watching them breathe.... I did that just today. I put my face right next to Megan's when she was sleeping, and I felt her breath on my cheek. I sat and held her like that and just said "thank you God."

Jason and Vanessa said...

Thank you for being so real and honest with your comment. I want to start out be saying only since Melody and Madison's death have I truly began to appreciate Kenya. My favorite age has always been new borns I love little tiny babies and have always felt like I take better care of new borns than any other age. But not anymore my favorite age is now whatever age Kenya and Destinee are. I want to learn to be a better Mom and take the best care of Kenya that I can right now at the age she is 2. I want to engage her in activities that she will enjoy and just enjoy watching her grow up for whatever amount of time that the Lord gives us with her. The same with Destinee I want to enjoy these teenage years.

I also wanted to tell you I have no clue all the details behind your Mothers death but I wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. Death is not easy to deal with but I wanted to share with you the hope that Jason and I have in Jesus.

The Bible is very clear that we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23 and that the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23 You see we have all sinned against a holy God and His wrath abides upon us. God sent His only son Jesus to die on the cross in our place. God poured out His full wrath on Jesus so that if we would repent (turn away from sins) of our sins and put our full trust in Jesus than we can be saved. The amazing thing is Jesus didn't stay dead He defeated death and rose again three days later. What a mighty God we serve. The Bible is also very clear that the only way to the Father is through Jesus. John 14:6 We don't have to go to a priest or anyone else we can go directly to God through Jesus. Please consider these things the Bible is true and after we die it is to late please get your life right with God there is nothing in this life more important than that.

Also if you wanted to email me any questions that you may have please feel free to do so. vkdelgado@hotmail.com

I will be praying for you,

Vanessa Delgado

Anonymous said...

You and your family are truly an inspiration to us all. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Anonymous said...

Hey Vanessa,
I have't talked to you in a long time. I just wanted to tell you that your are truely an inspiration. Your baby girls are so lucky to have you and Jason as their parents. Bless you and your beautiful family. You have many people thinking about you guys and lifting you up daily in prayer.

Jodie Johnston
(I have read your blog for awhile and never could figure out how to leave a comment or if I even could)

Aunt Estella said...

Jason & Vanessa,
I love reading your blog, something
(blog) that I don't know to much about. I've always admired you both for your strength and inspiration.I have always believed
that all children go to Heaven.
Tell me about heartbeats, I love to see my little grandsons Diego & Cruz when I take care of them and they take their naps I go quietly in the room and touch and see their little hearts beating. I use to do that with Seamas my older grandson when he was little. I love hearing their hearts beat.
Jason & Vanessa I love you all and God Bless You and may he shower you with abundance love.
Aunt Estella

Lindsay said...

Vanessa -

I just felt like I needed to tell you how proud I am of you! You are holding on to Lord in a way that I wish I could have when I lost my baby last year. On top of that, your loss was so much deeper and real then mine - your thoughts and writings have really helped me deal with some things I never dealt with last year. I think that the Lord is using you guys in a mighty way to share HIM with others. Not only are believers being touched by your sweet M&M, but people like anonymous (Above) are being touched by the Lord. Praise God!!! I hope you have read Keri's blog about the girls - it wrapped up so much of how I was feeling! Love ya -

Nicole said...

Hi. I haven't had a chance to read your whole blog yet... I plan to. Just wanted to let you know that we are praying for you and lifting you up to the Lord. We have lost 3 children in utero. A daughter Alyssa at 28 weeks gestation due to placental abruption and our fraternal g/b twins. Our twin daughter Samantha left us at 8 weeks and our twin son Connor left us at 18 1/2 weeks due to placental issues. It hurts to say goodbye but I firmly believe in Isaiah 61:3:

….beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, and failing spirit--that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. ~Isaiah 61:3

We now have 4 more children all brought to us by the Lord through International Adoption. I look forward to watching how the Lord blesses you in the future.

In Him,

Peggy said...

Your faith is awe-inspiring! And God indeed honors our faith. You are a beautiful testimony of how God works with us during our most difficult times. May He continue holding you and your family until that glorious day when all of you are reunited with your M&Ms.

Lisa said...

Jesus needed to angels in Heaven and He took the best two He could find. I am praying for you. you will see Melody and Madison again someday, how sweet it is to trust in Jesus.

Deb said...

Dear Jason and Vanessa,
I found your blog early this morning, while you were still asleep... We live in South Asia, and your blog, through the miracle of cyberspace, has made it all the way around the world. Now... while you rest, I pray...
I pray that you will know God's mercy more and more and that you will experience His hand and tender touch as never before. I cried as I read... sometimes because of your loss and sometimes because of God's goodness and faithfulness toward you.
I will continue to pray, but mostly just wanted to remind you today that people whom you will never know are connected to you through God's tender Spirit. His mercies are new every morning. He gives hope to all who believe...

Anonymous said...

Jason and Vanessa
I love the following verse:
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go... Joshua 1:9

I am amazed at how God has chosen to use this circumstance to bring others to Him - He truly does work all things together for good - to those who love Him and are called according to His name.

We are praying for you and your family.

Patterson Family

Stacey said...

Jason and Vanessa, I have being lurking for some time but the "question when was the last time you have held your children and watched them breathe or their heart beat," brought me out of the dark. I have said many prayers for your littles. Through infertility I have had great heart ache but great joy through the blessings God has given me. The loss you have been given was truly given to two amazing people. The Lord is working thorough you to bring those like the first comment to him. What strength in the Lord you have is simply breath taking. You both are such inspirations to me and many. I truly thank God daily and watch my now 21 month old triplets breath daily. I lay my hands on them to feel their hearts beat and praise God they are so perfect. I can not even begin to imagine what you are going through but know that you two are awsome parents.

In His Name

Matt & Crystal Rosecrance said...

Jason and Vanessa, Just want you to know we are thinking about you and praying for you. We know exactly what you are going through, having lost Joshua and Caleb just 4 months ago. But I can tell you it will get easier, although it will get harder before it gets easier. You will always have the memory of your precious girls, but I know you want so much more than that now. My heart aches for you so much right now. We will lift you up in prayer continuously, I promise. If there is anything else I can do you for you, please let me know. I know there is nothing I say that will make you feel better, but I am proud of you both and I know God will carry you through this. He is so good. Love, Crystal and Matt Rosecrance