Sunday, January 11, 2009

Happy 2 Month Old Birthday Melody and Madison

Well, today Melody and Madison would have been two months old (can you believe that)! It seemed like just yesterday I was in the hospital saying hello and goodbye to them. I'm not sure where this post is going but I'm just going to write from my heart and we'll see what happens.

It is only after Melody and Madison's death that I truly realized what a miracle life is. I have been on countless blogs of people who have lost their babies, it happens all the time. For a baby to make it to full term be healthy and nothing go wrong during or right after birth... I'm telling you it's a MIRACLE. I don't say that to scare you because God is sovereign and in control and worry will not do anything about it anyway. Just trust Him and know that God's ways are far better than ours! I was saying all that to say that life is a gift from God. Who can right now keep their own heart beating or create their next breath? No one can! If that doesn't prove that there has to be a creator holding it all together I don't know what does.

God alone is the creator, giver and taker of life (Psalm 139:13-16; Job 12:10) and it breaks my heart when I read on countless blogs how many times a doctors tell women to abort her pregnancy because their baby wont make it or has special needs. Are you kidding me!? God is the only one that knew if Melody and Madison were going to be born alive. And they were born alive and breathing. God is the one who allowed them to die. We did not take our babies lives! Even if our babies had been still born I would not have regretted the decision we made to give our babies a chance at life.

If you are reading this and you are a doctor please know that every woman is well aware of the fact that she can end her pregnancy but once you say that to a woman it bears so much weight with them. Instead of telling her to abort the baby why don't you refer her to String of Pearls a ministry that helps families who's babies may not make it.

If you are considering aborting your baby because something may be wrong with your child and you would rather end the babies life now before you bond with the baby please let me tell you that is the worst thing you could do. You are still going to mourn the loss of your baby, but on top of that you will be mourning the fact that you killed your baby. And that is something that you will live with for the rest of your life.

Please if you are considering abortion email me so I can encourage you and cry with you. I would love to walk the road of a very difficult pregnancy with you. Please believe me when I say it was not easy to carry babies knowing that they most likely will not make it. There were days when I was in so much pain from all the extra amniotic fluid that I could barely walk and I would almost cry every night at the thought of going to bed because I knew it would be so painful to turn over at night. I couldn't hold my daughter, cook my family dinner or clean my house. It was a long and hard 13 weeks (13 weeks from the time we found out that they were conjoined) and there were times I would just think "I'm doing this for nothing... our babies are going to die." But let me tell you it was for a purpose.

Also, I really did enjoy my pregnancy. I know it's hard to believe that I could enjoy it with everything that was going on. But I loved feeling our babies move and telling people how far along I was, I loved it when my family and friends would put their hand on my belly and feel the babies move. You see, it was hard and I was in pain but there was life growing inside of me. Two lives that God created and chose to give to us because He knew we would love them just the way He created them. I'm so thankful that God heard my hearts cry and gave us twins. It may not have been what I expected but He answered my prayer and used our babies lives for His Glory.

The Lord did such amazing things through Melody and Madison's short lives. I want to share a story with you all that happened the day we were leaving the hospital.

It was November 15th and it was time to go home. As I watched Jason pack up all of our things I couldn't help but think, "We and not going home with every thing that we came here with." We were leaving behind the two most important things that we brought, our babies. I was on the verge of having a break down, I knew that as soon as we left the hospital everything was going to be different. I was fully prepared to have a very emotional departure from the hospital. I hate crying in front of anyone besides Jason and Destinee. I knew that very soon someone would be coming with a wheel chair to get me and all of our bags and flowers. I was prepared to cry my eyes out and have a moment that was all about me and how I was feeling at the time.

Finally the guy came with a wheel chair but not the right kind. He came with a regular wheel chair (not the huge one with all the room for all the bags and flowers that people bring you). I couldn't believe it! He said something like, "Oh sorry, they didn't have anymore of the other wheel chairs... let me go see if I can find one." I remember thinking to myself after he left. I can not believe him. Just because our babies died doesn't mean that people didn't bring us flowers. I was really having a very selfish and self consumed moment. I remember thinking, "Oh great! This is who is going to wheel us out... I'm not even going to be able to have this moment." And I so wanted this moment of just crying my eyes out as we left because here is this young guy trying to be funny with us. I was so mad and I wasn't sure why. I even remember talking to the Lord and saying, "...and I'm not going to witness to Him either." Can you believe that!?...

So he came back with the right wheel chair this time and was kinda joking around with us. He was a really sweet guy. So he wheeled me outside and we were waiting for Jason to go and get the car. Then he said to me, "Y'all are like a really young and hip couple, y'all are like only the 2nd young couple that I have ever taken care of and the other couple said they were part of the church." I thought to my self, "You have got to be kidding me! I just want to think about myself right now and not witness to this guy." (How sad is that!!!!)

Then it hit me this whole time Jason and I have said our greatest prayer was that God would be glorified through this no matter what happened to our babies. And here I was trying to make this about me when it wasn't about me it was about what God wanted to do through our babies lives.

So then I asked him the question, "What do you think is going to happen to you after you die?" He was kinda taken back by the question and said, "I think I will go to heaven." Then I asked him, "Why?" He said because he had done a lot of good things. He worked at the hospital and tried to help people when ever he could. So I asked, "Do you think the good out weighs the bad?" He said, "Yes." So then I told him our righteousness is as filthy rags to the Lord (Isaiah 64:6). The Bible also says that it's appointed to every person once to die and then judgment (Hebrews 9:27). So that would be like you taking all you good deeds before the Lord and saying here you go Lord look what I have done for you. He looks at your righteousness as filthy rags (meaning a dirty, bloody, nasty menstrual pad). There is no way that you could ever be good enough to get into Heaven. The Bible say's that there was none good but one and that was God (Matthew 19:17). The Bible also says that if we have broken one of the commandments that we have broken them all (James 2:10). So if you have ever lied then you are guilty of that and breaking the rest of the law (thievery, murder, ect...). The wages of sin is death but the free gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord (Romans 6:23). I asked him, "Do you know what God did so that we wouldn't have to go to hell, so that we could be saved?" He said, "He sent his Son." I said, "Yes, Jesus died on the cross (taking our place) and God poured out His wrath on Jesus (the wrath that our sins deserved) for all those who would repent (acknowledge, apologize, and turn from our sins) and put our trust (have faith) in Jesus for our salvation." I also said, "I know your young, so are we, but our babies just died a few days ago, they only lived for an hour." I told him, "You don't know when you will take your last breath, so please consider these things." Then Jason pulled up right after that.

I left the hospital knowing that this wasn't about us. This was about what God wanted to do through our babies lives to bring Him glory. I'm so blessed that God chose to give us Melody and Madison. Was it hard? Yes! But I wouldn't trade it for the world!

So that brings me to my next idea. We have already received emails and phone calls and talked in person to many who have shared amazing stories of how the Lord has used Melody and Madison's lives to bring Him so much glory. But we would like to hear from you too. If the Lord used the lives of our babies to touch your life, even it it was just that you were more grateful for your kids, please leave a comment or if you would like to send us an email that would be great also ( We would love to hear all of your stories and in return all of you reading all of the comments I believe will bring so much glory to the Lord to see what He did through giving us conjoined twin baby girls who lived in my womb for 32 weeks and on this earth for an hour who will forever be safe in the presence of Almighty, Most Holy God.

Vanessa D


Andrea & Jim-Britt said...

Vanessa & Jason,
Your babies touched our lives so much!! I love feeling them move in your womb thank you for sharing them with us, they showed me how precious life is & there is not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for Sadie. So it opened our eyes to see that like you said you never know when the last breath will be so we appreciate each moment we have with her. We love you guys!!

Kara said...

What a beautiful post! - I've never lost a child - I can't imagine and it's my biggest fear. But I know that the plan is bigger than what you or I want - God's plan is perfect and His glory will manifest. Vanessa, I love reading your blog - it's real, even when it hurts. - There are no words for how I feel right now. - You have been blessed and you bless us with your talents.

noahandlylasmommi said...

Thank you so much for your comment on my blog. We lost the baby at 11 weeks. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through and look at everything you went through... That is one thing Melody and Madison's lives have done for me. Made me be so greatful for everything I have. Also how can I sit here and feel sorry for myself after everything you suffered through. I cant. Anyway I feel like I found this blog for a reason. I am so glad I could bring words of encouragement to you. You have done the same for me.

Anonymous said...

I've been following your blog since shortly after you lost M&M. I've cried more than once while reading- almost again today. God gave us a beautiful healthy baby boy in May. Your experience has made me appreciate him all the more. I've had the normal new mom struggles but I'm so thankful to God for the blessing that is our son. Thanks for sharing your life- the good and the bad- with us. Your faith and trust in God has been such an encouragement to me. Your are in my prayers.
Nicole from Ohio

Kaleena said...

I've been reading your blog for awhile now. I think that your strength is amazing! I wanted to let you know that M&M have had a BIG impact in the way I view my own life with my children. After reading your entries, it makes me appreciate my children so much more. I rejoice more in every milestone. And when I think about what you and your family have been through, I hug my girls a little tighter and a little longer than I used to! I'm gratelful for every day that I've been blessed with each one of them.

Anonymous said...

Okay Vanessa forgive me for the impersonal part of this, I am unsure of which baby is Melody or Madison, but the baby on the right looks like Destinee to me. They are both beautiful. God bless you guys. Hope you all are doing well.

Jason and Vanessa said...

Thank you for all of your comments glory be to God alone.

I think when you are looking at the picture the baby on the left is Melody and the one on the right is Madison.

I agree with you she does like Destinee.

Laurie said...

I met you and your adorable Kenya at Chris and Stephanie's baby shower a year ago. I was told about your babies after they were born and have checked in often. This was a very beautiful post. I read other blogs as well about infant loss and adoption loss,and yours is so very transparent. I believe your testimony about carrying your pregnancy to full term will minister to so many women throughout your lifetime. And I can see you count it as joy to be the vessel God has chosen to use, even in your moments of crying out "why me, God?" May the Lord of comfort be with you each time you reflect over and over upon all the milestones your sweet twins would have had.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm not sure where I came across your blog, but I have been so blessed by your sweet story. Your boldness and faithfulness to our Father is such an encouragement to me.

Jessica in Oklahoma

Janis said...

Your blog has touched my heart in many ways. After being told I would more than likely not conceive God has blessed me with two beautiful girls (without any medical intervention). Truly miracles. I have always been against abortion but it was not until I was carrying my own little miracles did the reality of it hit me! I loved your post today and will be linking it to mine because I think everyone needs to read it!

I am adopted and have met my birthmother. She does not know God personally and is quite outspoken about her belief in the right to have an abortion. If I was born four years later I most likely would not be here today.

Thank you so much for speaking out and being willing to share your pain and grief so others may choose life!

God Bless

PS. I love the graphic for on your side bar. Where did you get it? I tried to find it but couldn't find one like that and the one I did find doesn't really fit. Thanks!

Shahrzad Baber said...

Your beautiful baby girls not only touched my life, but so many around me... each day I ws at wok on break I would check to get an update, it so happened many people would come to my desk needing something at that time, when they would ask what I was reading, I would tell them about you all, I would tell lots of people about you and Jason and about your faith in Jesus and how even though you had been given the worst news I feel anyone could get how you kept those beautiful girls and trusted in the Lord... now only did you show others, but you showed me, for the past couple of years I had been bitter, and not close to God, but you all opened up my eyes to see how wonderful and amazing God's grace is... Melody and Madison truly, TRULY were a miraculous blessing, I praise God for them, happy 2 month birthday girls, I know you are having the greatest party up there EVER with Jesus!

curt chadwick said...


you are a strong woman, you and Jason have been a huge encouragement to us through all of this. For me personally God has used this to show me what it means to walk alongside our friends during difficult times and bear one another's burdens...I know the relationship you and Jason had with MnM was special and in no way do i want to take anything away from that but, in a way it when we lost MnM it felt like we lost one of our own. I hope that makes sense. I remember when we got word that there was only one heart we were devastated. I couldn't sleep. We held out hope with you, prayed with and for you. some of these prayers were answered but ultimately some were not. In all God got the glory. Thank you again for sharing this experience with is something we will remember forever.

Jason and Vanessa said...


The graphic came from the online store @ We just used that pic and linked it to their site. Feel free to take it.

Soli Deo Gloria!

jason d.

Ed Enochs said...

Colossians 1:18

We all love you guys so much!

love, Ed Enochs

Hector said...

Your story has blessed me so much. I pray that our God will give you so much strength. You have given Him so much glory, God loves you guys so much and your children rightnow are singing songs to the Lord of the heavens :)

Your story gave me courage, and made me appreciate life so much more now. Life is so short, Im ashamed of myself for thinking my life was of little value to the Lord, when life is a wonderful gift.We should enjoy every second, every minute and hour of life.

Every child of God is precious to Him, He knows them all by name and calls them to Himself.
Thank you so much for this wonderful blessing God has given us through you
(With many tears)

Melanie said...

Your story has inspired me because you chose to do the hard thing and carry the babies full-term because you knew it was the right thing to do. God blessed you for that. You both are wonderful models for other Christians.

Krystal said...

I just have to say that was a beautiful post...just beautiful...God bless you...

Bernie said...

I balled my eyes out reading your sad story,and i was filled with shame remembering the times i allowed myself to get frustrated with my twin boys who are both healthy and strong 2 year olds.thank you for posting your story.God Bless you

Anonymous said...

Praise God, all of our six children were healthy and are now adults with most having children of their own. They all profess Christ, have married spouses who do the same and are raising their kids to know him. But, even though I have never gone through the very hard providence that you have, I was convicted when you spoke of wanting to feel sorry for yourself at the time, rather than giving God the glory in that situation. We never know how God will use in the lives of others the things that we struggle with, when we speak of them. Thanks so much for your wonderful testimony. I hope that God will be pleased to give you another healthy baby in the future. Your testimony is a great blessing!

Cherry Bieber said...

May the Lord continue to bless you as you endeavor to speak for LIFE!! Thank you so much for putting this online for the world to see!