Friday, December 30, 2011

My sweet girl and her tender heart...

Kenya talks about Melody and Madison a lot. Sometimes she ask us why they are not here and sometimes she says, "But I didn't want them to die." but that's about as far as it goes. I can never remember her crying because they died or every being really sad about it but that all changed a few nights ago.

The day before yesterday Kenya told me that she really missed her sisters and she broke down in tears. We talked about her sisters and I prayed for God to comfort Kenya as she was missing them. We talked about how exciting it will be to get to see them again in Heaven. Then she was ready to move on and I thought that was the end of it.

Last night after Kenya was supposed to be asleep she came out into the living room burst into tears and said "But I didn't want my sisters to die!" She came over to me and I held her as she cried and talked about her sisters. She said that she just wanted to go to Heaven so she could be with her sisters. I told her how exciting that day will be and one day it will come but for right now we want to live our lives and enjoy being here while we are still alive. We talked for a long time and I prayed for her and loved one her. She just cried and cried and cried. I will tell you right now that holding your 5 year old as she cries herself to sleep because she misses her sisters is a lot harder than missing them yourself. Kenya and I both ended up falling asleep on the couch after we were done talking about her sisters.

She seems to be getting sad about them at bed time so I was trying to think of something tonight that would help her and I remembered we had a lot of toys that remind us of the girls. So I went through the whole house and found them all. I put them in her room and told her the toys would help her to remember her sisters and she could snuggle with them all. Here she is getting ready to go to sleep with all of them.

We got these Zebras at Kenya's baby shower and after we had the twins Kenya started calling them Melody and Madison. So these remind her of her sisters.

My friend Laura brought these lambs to the girls funeral I thought they were a  really sweet and thoughtful gift. These are Kenya's Melody and Madison lambs.  

Jason and I hot glued two baby dolls together when I was pregnant with Melody and Madison to try to prepare Kenya for when she met her sisters. HERE is the original post I wrote about the dolls. She loved them and still does. She still plays with them and she tells her friends they are her Melody and Madison dolls and they are stuck together like her sisters. 

Wita (Jason's Mom) got these panda bears for Kenya at the San Diego Zoo because they reminded her of the girls. Kenya fell asleep holding them tonight.

Here is Kenya loving on her sisters the day they were born.

Kenya was really excited to go to sleep with all of the things that reminded her of her sisters. She fell right to sleep with out a single tear. I love her so much and it is so hard to watch her be in pain knowing there is nothing I can do to fix it. I am so glad that she talks about her sisters and they are still a super important part of our family.

Melody and Madison we will miss you until we get to see you again but I am rejoicing knowing that you have been made whole in Heaven!


sveta said...

In Kenya very vulnerable, delicate and kind soul. A wonderful and loving your daughter!

Anonymous said...

I have been following you since I "met" you on Patrice's blog! You have an amazing family - I can not wait until Baby A joins you and the rest of your beautiful children here in the US!

Melissa C. said...

This post left me heartbroken for your little Kenya!! What a tender heart she must have. Prayers!

Susie said...

Even though all the tears and sorrow are painful, I am so glad that Oceana and Kenya remember their siblings. So special...

For about a year after Joshua went to be with the Lord, Oceana slept with his bear. It's still a special privilege that they have sometimes, sleeping with his itty bitty bear.

Usually the conversation goes like this, "Mommy, I miss Joshua." "I do too sweetheart. Where is Joshua?" "He's with Jesus." "And he doesn't hurt anymore, he's all better and he's okay with Jesus." --- she needs that reassurance from me that Joshua is just fine where he is, that it's ok to miss him, and that we'll see him again with Jesus. Those girls have an eye for eternity that even I don't understand.

Fawn said...

This is beautiful, Vanessa. I can't imagine how one experiences such loss but your strength is encouraging. Thank you for sharing!

Liz said...