Thursday, October 9, 2008

10 weeks left

10 weeks left...

What do I mean by ten weeks left?

I will be full term, 37 weeks pregnant, in just 10 short weeks.
At first I was really excited about that because I can't wait to meet and hold our babies, be able to get around easier, not be sore anymore (well once I recover from the csection), sleep better at night, pick up Kenya, the list goes on and on. But then it hit me today we may only have ten short weeks left with our babies here on earth. Only ten weeks left of feeling and watching them move all over my stomach. Only ten weeks left of sonograms getting to see our babies blink, swallow, and suck on their thumbs. That thought broke my heart. Don't get me wrong I know that God can heal their heart and I know that He can allow them to live, but at the same time He may allow them to die,...we don't know what His will is yet.

I have been crying on and off for the past few hours not knowing what the future holds for our family, but I am so blessed to know that God knows exactly how everything will happen and He will be there to comfort us just like He has this whole time.

I wanted to share with you all about my hard day because I want yall to know that I am a real person, I am not super human with some amazing ability to handle tragedy, though I am a child of God and He is ever present in my time of need.

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Hebrews 4:14-16

10 comments:

The Sappington's said...

V,
Thank you for being real. Your faith has been an inspiration and so is your roller coaster of emotion. We love you so much and are blessed to know you. We are praying for you guys and for those precious and blessed baby girls. We are here for you guys whatever you need.

Stephanie Morales said...

What a very sweet and heartfelt entry. Thank you for sharing all your emotions with us. Love you girl!!!! Can't wait to see you in just 2 weeks.

4 Little Men and Twins said...

Thanks so much for sharing this... God is great! but that doesn't mean it will always be the way we want it.

We're praying for you and your babes.

brittany

Anonymous said...

Vanessa-
Its Saeweard Smith...Troys sister. Hopefully you remember me. I want to give you my email address and I hope that I can share my story with you for a little comfort. Its to much to post here for you. Please contact me at ssmith@integrityhomesllc.com.
I love seeing your Belly Shots!!
Talk to you soon! Saeweard

Michelle said...

First of all, I'm so glad those sweet girls are growing and that the Lord has allowed you to carry them for SO long!! That is such a wonderful testimony to God's goodness and grace! :)
Please know we are still praying for you and those sweet babes and will continue to do so. I'll pray for your heart and your emotions that God will give that perfect peace which will get you through no matter what comes to pass.
Hang in there, girl, you're doing great! :)

Audrey said...

I can't imagine. Thanks for sharing your heart. Prayers said for you tonight!

Karin said...

“For no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived the wonderful things that God has prepared for those that love Him” (1 Corinthians 2:9).

You have had some wonderful memories so far (not to mention lots of pics as reminders!). Keep lifting up the name of the Lord. Your story has encouraged many others. Your girls have been a blessing from God already. May God richly bless you and your family!

Heather said...

Vanessa, I have been thinking over the past few days what kind of comment to leave that might be of some comfort. The feelings you have expressed are so close to my own when I was in your position. God did not provide the miracle we had asked for with our baby girls, but that does not mean He did not perform a miracle. The miracle was in my heart and in my family. It is that I know, not just believe, that He lives and loves me. And I trust Him completely that He will lead my life to the place of greatest happiness. I continue to pray for you and Melody and Madison. With God all things are possible. Enjoy every movement these next ten week, and may you enjoy them even longer.

Stephanie Rohloff said...

Vanessa, I believe that your honesty brings glory to God daily! How could His greatness be shown if not for our weakness!
What a blessing it is that you are still calling on His great name, even as the days get harder...and the questions begin to grow and grow.
We love you!

Morningstar College and Young Adults said...

Hey you guys,
We love you and are clinging to Jesus for strength through this with you...I wish we could carry your heavy load..you are wonderful parents...and for however long God may give you whether 2 days or 80 years you have loved these precious girls with a fierce love that speaks volumes of God's Grace and love for His children...

We love you guys and are praying...we miss you!
Chris and Sara